Even In The Grave, All Is Not Lost

And I Know How It Feels

"We should all hold kelp or seaweed in our hands at least once and feel its weight. Somehow it was torn free, forced from its environment to wash ashore. And I realize it doesn't belong here. It's dying beneath the sun's rays. It hurts. And I know how it feels."

-'The Salt in His Kiss: Poems' by Alfa

...

The journey back to Becca's lab consisted of little but silence. They'd barely exchanged a word after Luna relinquished her hold on Raven's hand. She drew back, watching as Luna's top was allowed to finally fall, concealing the scars once more. Raven suspected it would be a long time before their image had faded from her consciousness, though.

In a way, their reveal had been a gift. One she understood the significance of, appreciating what it must have taken for Luna to give it to her - even if Raven didn't entirely understand why she'd done so; what had made her deserving of such a privilege in Luna's eyes.

Doubtless, she'd stew over the many possibilities for that in the nights to come.

Gift or not, though, the memory of what she'd seen, what she'd heard had left a sour taste in her mouth.

She really hadn't needed inspiration for any more nightmares.

Thanks for that, Luna.

Still, however heavily this aspect of Luna's past rested on Raven's shoulders, she knew that weight could not compare to what Luna had carried almost all her life, from the moment those scars were brought into being.

Plus, Luna hadn't been privy to Raven's own history, to what recollections her story might provoke, so she could hardly blame her for the phantom strangling of her stomach and the ghost of her mother's liquor-stained breath in the air. Or the way her ribs still seared in protest.

Luna hadn't known.

And even if she had, she'd only been trying to help. Of that much, Raven was ninety-nine percent certain.

So get over it, Reyes.

She wondered what about her made Luna think she was deserving of that help.

There was a reason she hadn't bothered to answer the question posed to her, standing on this very dock.

'Do you really think you deserve to be saved?'

No, not particularly. Not even back when she'd been a kid and Finn had held out half his rations to her.

Didn't mean Raven wasn't going to fight like hell not to die, though. Maybe she didn't deserve a rescue but she cared about herself enough to do her own rescuing.

Or, at least, she had - until saving herself meant not saving everyone else.

Still, it wasn't like she could have said any of that to Luna. None of it was exactly a ringing endorsement for humanity, or capable of convincing her to stay.

Raven had never really been all that worth staying for.

Ducking her head, she resolved to give Luna more time at the dock - considering she'd monopolized her attention, dragging her away from her reason for being here in the first place. But Luna announced a desire to leave - Raven's eyes catching the movement of her hand as she stowed the braid away once more.

Despite her intentions, that was one keepsake she appeared unwilling - or unable - to part with. Raven could understand that. It had barely been a week since Adria died.