Even In The Grave, All Is Not Lost

The Rapids

A/N: sorry this is so late, guys. I've been trialing a new medication and it's really throwing me for a loop.

I know that at least one of you saw this chapter coming ;)

[Trigger Warning: torture (that we saw in canon)]

. . .

I was still water, held by my surroundings. I am now a river, carving my own path."

- Scott Stabile

. . .

The Fleimkepas had taught Luna how to fight, how to kill - how to lead.

But they had never taught her how to survive on her own. They had impressed upon her the inherent loneliness of her duty, of the isolation that would one day surround her heart. But there had been no need to prepare her for physical loneliness. For a life without people.

She was natblida. If she survived to become Heda, she would never have a life without people. Her life would be her people.

And so, there had been no need to teach her to survive on her own, for she would never be expected to. It was true that, emotionally, a Commander must be alone. But, physically, being alone could never be an option.

And if she never became Commander, well. . . she wouldn't be alive to be alone.

(one of death's few mercies)

Needless to say, this had created problems for Luna after her Conclave, when she had outgrown the limits of Nyko's sanctuary. Whilst the healer tried to teach her as much as he could before he abandoned her to the mercies of the world, there was a lifetime of knowledge that could not be packed into mere weeks. She knew he had been reluctant to let her go for that reason - among others - but she had outstayed her welcome. Luna knew from the moment she became aware of herself and her surroundings, of the unceasing horror that she must now make her reality, that she could never stay with Nyko.

It was too dangerous. For him. For his family. For Lincoln. And for his village.

It was too dangerous for Luna as well, who knew it would be wise to put as much distance between herself and Polis as possible. As much distance between herself and anyone who had ties to the capitol, or even the faintest understanding of its workings.

All in all, it would be best to distance herself from people entirely, whatever their affiliations.

To survive, she would have to be alone.

More alone than even the Commander.

It shouldn't have been so daunting. After all, hadn't she made herself alone the day she killed her brother? Hadn't she sacrificed love and companionship for the sake of survival?

It should not have been so difficult to do again.

But it was.

Luna soon found that she and solitude were not at all favorable companions. Far from it.

The memory of that time hounded her now, stoking a growing unease at the prospect of what she was soon to face, if everything failed, as it was likely to.

The loneliness Luna felt at that time in her life would be nothing compared to what awaited her.

But she wouldn't think about that. Not now.

Not with Raven's grumbles in her ear as she grudgingly waded into the water after her, grimacing at its icy temperature. She stumbled a bit on the uneven terrain and Luna held out a hand, hoping she would take it. Reluctantly, the mechanic accepted the offer, allowing the Grounder to guide her the rest of the way into the river, retracing the steps Luna had already taken and knew to be safe.