Complicated

13. A Set of Weights

“We started talking a little over a year ago. He found me in the bathroom crying after that incident with Rob and how he kicked my ass in gym cause he found out I was gay. So when I ran to the bathroom I was lying in the middle of the floor and I was crying. He came in and helped me up. He wiped my tears away and he listened to me when I told him what was bothering me. He even listened to me after I told him I was gay. I never expected his reaction. I thought he was going to punch me and leave me there alone again. Instead, he told me that he wasn’t who everyone thought he was. He told me that he had some secrets too and that he had no one to talk to. He said he was alone just like me. I told him he had me to talk to. It was the least that I could do. I mean, he listened to my problem so I only felt it would be right that I listened to his. Plus I was curious as to what was bothering the cutest guy in school” 

I shifted in my seat as I braced myself for what Corey was about to say. 

“He told me that he was gay and he had no idea how to tell anyone. Brianna knew but no one else did. He said he hated not being himself and he hated putting on a front every day in front of all these people. I tried to tell him that no one else mattered and who cares what people think… but that’s not Bryce. That’s just not how he thinks. We started dating a couple months later and I was so happy Dana. We started talking about coming out together and everything. I came out and I was expecting him to come out too… but he never did. He said he wasn’t ready to. He still plays the straight act and he still messes with these girls and I know they have sex. I’ve been so calm about it because I know how it can feel when everyone knows you’re gay but he acts like it’s not hurting me inside to see him with these girls and he’s supposed to be with me”. 

The car became silent once Corey finished speaking. The two of us sat in his black BMW outside of my house. Taking all of this in was extremely hard for me. Knowing all this about Bryce was slowly changing me and I didn’t understand how. I had a major crush on him and to learn all of this was hurtful. But I had to put all of my selfish feelings aside because right now, Corey needed me. 

“He’s being selfish Corey. I believe that he loves you so much but I also understand how hard it could be to come out and tell a whole school of ignorant and evil people that you are something that they would never expect you to be” I said to him.

“That’s teenagers for you and I know that is going to be the hardest part. He’s popular and very well-known so he’s not going to get it easy. He doesn’t have to tell them Dana. It’s not about him telling everyone, it’s what he’s doing to keep his image. Fucking these girls when he’s not even interested in them is hurting me and I cannot stress that to him enough. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I want to be with him so bad but I am not going to watch him do this and pretend to be ok with it” Corey said as he began to tear up. 

My hurt was hurting as Corey told me this story. I knew it must be hard. 

“Give me a hug” I told him. 

As we embraced, I felt myself tearing up as well. I began to think about all the drama with Calvin and how I had been treating my parents and even Kristina. 

Before I knew it, the tears were coming full force. Corey and I were letting it all out as the snot was running down our noses and onto each other’s clothes. At this point, I didn’t even care. 

Corey broke the embrace and looked me in my eyes. “Now I want you to tell me what’s going on with you”. 

I wiped my eyes. “What do you mean?”

“Something isn’t right with you and I know how it feels to hold something in so talk to me. Tell me what’s bothering you”. 

Wow, was I that readable.