My Poems (more like rants but...)

My Normal

*hello! And bye! Read on! Btw this one is more story time in Vauge words*

For a person,

If you are seeing this then I went through with my other letter thing. I am not good at this writing thingy I have been doing. I have a bunch of things I want to say but can't fit it here. I want to tell someone but everyone will just look at me weird, trust me I have tried. Everyone just thinks this is one of my a thousand words per minute. So, I have a way to fix it, I write it down and maybe if you get this. And do not get me as an annoying, whinny girl. I know other people have it harder than me, a lot harder but this is my life and well... I have to live it. This one is called: My Normal

When the strike is coming, I have expected it, I have wanted it. I know I brought myself here, I know it is my fault. Why can't I keep my mouth close and nod. I can't! I know it is unfair, I think others don't have it like this. This cannot be normal.

I deserve this. Not for the reason it's happening now but for living. For making choices, for making bad choices. All of this comes in the second I open my mouth one to many times. It stings, it does and I know that crying will bring more so I look forward. I don't look in the eye, I let my mind go someplace new. I am in limbo. I can nod now. I pry my eyes off what did the deed and then it leaves. This is not an exact science, more can come. My mind has gone fuzzy. Everything was gone. And then it comes all of it. The pain from were it hurt. I know it's impossible for a heart to break but it did and continues to.

I collapse. I rock back and forth. Back and forth. I repeat like a montara. The first times its weird. You tell yourself. Get up. What are you doing? But now, now it's normal, my normal. Back and forth, back and forth. "Picture THE smile. Live to see it again. It does smiles all the time. It must be real, right, not like mine. " After I count, 100, 99, 98, 97... it all blends in. I am calm, no, numb. I get up and I pretend nothing happened. I wash my face with my cleansers. I go to dinner and talk and.... I try a smile, I think it looks fake but maybe others think this is just my normal. It is.

*correct me if I have any grammar or spelling mistakes (English in not my first language!)! Or if u want me to write about anything specific! Put it here!*

*Do u want to hear a science joke?

I would tell you but all of the good ones argon*

*if u don't get if here is explanation: argon is an element in science. It is pronounced 'are gone' hahahaha! Ik hilarious*

Put a joke if u want!!

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