My Poems (more like rants but...)

I worry...

*its been a hot second (I literally just learned this phrase and am obsessed with it so... yeah!!) um... so hope u like the next poem thing.... (feel free to correct my spelling and grammar errors... English is ugghhhhhh)

I love school. I know I shouldn't... I should like going out with friends or staying home but none of those seem good. I like school, not to learn, but to be free! Not to be me. I change... I shed my skin and become the better version of me. The one who makes the dumb jokes, the book worm, the talkative one. I can paint a smile on my face and no one will know the difference. I can follow the script. The lead. And I do. When I go to school I get to be free. I get to become someone better, stronger.

At home... I worry. I worry if I ask for a dessert what will she say... i worry that if I don't distract my mom she will see my grades. The b s when they should be A s. The 90s that should be 100. I worry about the consequences. Most of all though I worry that if I breathe at the wrong time maybe she will hear me hiding in the closet. Maybe she will find me. Find me and make me pay. Pay for hiding, pay for being... pay for doing it all wrong.

With friends. I worry. Am I smiling to much. Does it look fake. Am I covering to much. Am I eating to much. Am I talking to much. Showing to much...

I don't have to worry in school. In school we learn. I don't put my head down. People would ask questions. I can't have that. Instead I put my head up. I twirl my blond hair between my fingers. I sneak gum into class. I laugh. And no one notices ,they are all busy trying to keep there head up too.

Sometimes when a club gets canceled I don't tell anyone to pick me up. That way I can just wait. Sit in the empty school. Write, read, think. I can think without anyone judging. I can eat without worrying that people will look. I can be free... I can be me. 

*um... this is future Sofia... calmer Sofia... I wrote... whatever that was when I was kinda the opposite of calm so um... sorry...

well yeah... it's tradition now! Here is the joke...

I had a dream where I drowned in a sea of orange soda.... turns out it was a fanta -sea 

You probably used them all but if u have some ...  Jokes go here!
Riddles work to...
Or just some funny thoughts... anything to make the peeps that read these smile...
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don't comment on this part but I have good news!!!!!!! You know in the poem thing called "crawling in" no? Well I mentioned pills... I had them... for you know... that way to end IT... I put them back... yay me!!! Sorry... I just can't talk about this stuff irl so... u peeps are my first and only  bet...