lost the way | lil peep

about that Meg girl

Meg's house did end up being just a stop on Gustav's way to Layla's. He was frustrated. Angry. Upset even. And in that moment Layla was the only thing that would be able to somehow calm down his emotions - at least that's what he thought. But throughout the whole time while being with the dark-haired woman, Peep just wondered how much happier he'd be if it was Meg with him - under him, on top of him, even just sitting on the opposite end of the couch or bed but just present.

He hoped that Meg thought the same - that she missed him - but truth is, she didn't. She wasn't feeling anything in that moment. High from smoking weed and numb from taking a few too many xans. Cameron had to cancel their little sibling date out, because he got called into work and that left Margaret alone in the house and she could peacefully give in into her addiction. She knew that what she was doing wasn't good for her, but it helped her feel relieved, lifted the pressure off of her fragile shoulders.

Who knows, if she had to handle it even for just a bit longer, maybe she would have caved in - hurt herself or worse. Obviously, Meg was harming her body with the drugs but it gave her some sense of control over her miserable life. Not to get it wrong, she was clearly in denial about the whole situation, getting intoxicated all the time just caused her to feel more lost every time.

Everyone around the girl saw how bad she was doing, her brother, Rosie, hell, even Nate tho he knew her only for a short while. Margaret barely left the house, she barely left her bedroom. Sometimes, when she was sure Cameron had already went to sleep, she'd quietly creep into the kitchen when the grumbling of her stomach was starting to be unbearable. She wasn't hungry though, just annoyed with the sounds emerging from her belly.

It had been two weeks since Gus last saw Margaret. She'd reply to his texts asking if she was alright, but nothing besides that. It was draining for him, he was deprived of the presence of the only person he needed beside him. But Peep kept telling himself how ridiculous his emotions were. He wasn't the type to fall in love. Or was he? No, of course not! He was the type to have a fuck buddy and the type to spend the night with some random girl. Falling in love? Absolutely not.

"You get lost in your thoughts awfully often, lately." Emma's voice snapped Gus back into reality. He blinked slowly, trying to figure out when she even came into the house. It must've been quite a while ago, since she was holding an already half empty beer bottle in her hand. "I know it's all about Meg."

"Wiggy told you?" there was venom in Gus' voice and his friend couldn't understand why. Was he salty because of what happened between Meg and him? Was he angry that Nate didn't keep his mouth shut about it? With furrowed brows, Emma nodded and took a sip of her beer. Her eyes never leaving Gustav's face as she tried to detect the source of his bitterness, but failed anyway.

"What is up with you, honestly?" Emma asked, straight up, a sympathetic smile plastered to her beautiful face. She gently grabbed her friend's tattooed hand into hers. "You know you can always talk to me." It wasn't a question, she was just assuring Gus of something he had already known.

"I don't understand what I'm feeling," he shyly admitted, avoiding any eye contact. "I'm confused."

"And it is about Meggie?"

"Yeah. I've never had any feelings like the ones I have towards her, you know? But I don't know what those fucking feelings even are." It seemed as if he was angry at himself for not understanding. "I just want her with me..."

"Kinda seems like you're in love or something," Emma joked in attempt to lighten the mood and it sort of worked. Gus did send her a crooked smile and she decided to count that as a win.

"The only thing I'm sure of," he started again. This time completely unprompted and Em knew that Peep finally allowed himself to let out everything that he had bottled up inside of him during those few weeks. "I'm hella worried about that girl. I overheard once when Wiggs was on the phone with her. He was angry and reprimanding her to get a grip and start taking care of herself."