lost the way | lil peep

fucking feelings

"I am way too full," the redhead  whined, when Wiggy suggested she ate some more. Her small hand were clutching and stroking her stomach as if she was pregnant. "There's a food baby in there," she joked. They both stood up from the table to put their plates away.

"You're stupid," Nate jokingly stabbed her in the arm with his fork, which caused her to yelp in surprise and burst out laughing. Meg leaned closer to her friend as if to hug him but instead her fingers dug into his sides and tickled him mercilessly. Their cheerful laughs put smiles on the faces of all present - except for one. Gus couldn't help but clench his jaw and furrow his brows. Why were they so close? A step apart wouldn't fucking hurt them, now would it?

The buzzing of Peep's phone snapped him out of his thoughts. How glad he was that he finally had an excuse to leave the room. Why couldn't he be in Wiggy's position? Why couldn't it be him that Meg joked with and hugged? Because he screwed up, that's why.

The call didn't last as long as he had hoped to. It was just his brother calling with a quick question. But Gus didn't go straight back inside - he lit a joint and sat at the back porch. He didn't even notice the door opening, he did get lost in his thoughts awfully often lately.

"You've got a light?" Meg's quiet voice startled Gus back into reality and caused him to acknowledge the girl sitting next to him. He wished she sat closer, there was way too much space in between them.

Gustav cleared his throat and handed Margaret the lighter, "Here you go, boo." He watched as she lit her cigarette and inhaled the smoke.

"Thanks, Gus," she smiled as she handed him back the lighter, but the smile seemed forced. Almost as if she wasn't comfortable around him anymore, which wasn't the case. She was uncomfortable with her emotions - the urge to just wrap her arms around Peep and never let go.

"How are your knees? I- I didn't mean to hit you with that door," Gustav mumbled, causing the girl to smile again, this time the smile was real.

"I know, bub, I'm fine." You know how sometimes you don't even realize that you give someone a pet name? That's exactly what was happening. It felt like an instinct at this point, the 'boo's and 'bub's, they barely noticed it anymore. That obviously didn't apply to their friends - everyone took notice of those silly, but oh so adorable, names.

"Ma! Rosie's calling you!" Wiggy yelled from inside the house, his voice closing in. He stuck his head through the back door and handed the redhead her phone.

"Did you find the picture?" she asked, looking up at her friend with a soft smile and Wiggs just nodded.  She answered the phone and walked away from the guys.

"So you're going thru her phone now, huh?" Gus asked, his voice angry and filled with jealousy. He stood up to be face-to-face with Wiggy.

"I was just looking for a photo we took that she forgot to send me." Gus bridled at Nate's explanation. "Seriously, what is your fucking problem, Peep?"

"You know how I feel about her!" Whisper-yelling was the only option, since the 'her' in question was only standing a few feet away. Except Peep wasn't able to control the volume of his voice as much as he'd like and Meg still heard that something was happening.

"Except I don't!" Nate just couldn't remain calm anymore. "Nobody knows because you can't talk about your fucking feelings!" Gustav huffed angrily and pushed Wiggy out of his way with his cast-covered hand to walk inside the house. "See! That's what you fucking do!"

"What's going on?" Meg asked walking up to Nate, already slightly triggered by the yelling.

"It's nothing, Ma," he didn't want her to worry. "How are you feeling? Still dizzy?"