Writer's Block

Wonder as Life Wanders (Scomark, past Scolex)

A snippet that wouldn't leave my head after watching PTX on Corden.

Alex turns off the TV with a sigh, unsure how to process his emotions about the segment he's just seen. They sounded good, obviously. They usually do. And the new songs he's heard off the album are clearly more mature and more produced than any they've done before. Their growth makes sense for musicians settling into themselves and their craft, not that Alex is an expert on musical growth.

No, it's the interview that's sticking with him. Corden was...well. Corden was Corden, but the band handles ridiculous questions better now than they have in the past, even by Zoom. They play along and make jokes and act charming in four-second soundbites as expected.

Alex knows exactly what jokes went through at least Mitch's head over the whole "spilling" line of questions. He'd love to see their group chat afterwards, because the strain of holding back the level of beautifully inappropriate sarcasm Mitch can effortlessly create had to have come out somewhere. He bets he'd be laughing for days if he could read it.

Once upon a time, Alex would have been able to read it.

"My boyfriend, Mark," Scott had said, without even a visible hesitation.

Boyfriend. My.

Scott hadn't been able to put those two words in a sentence together when the person in question was Alex rather than Mark. Not in public, anyway, and never on camera. Certainly not on national TV.

Alex isn't sure how he feels about it. A little bitter, he supposes.

It's not that Alex begrudges Mark the acknowledgement. Mark deserves to have it, and he and Scott are obviously good together. Alex just wonders how it would have felt to have had that, too. The tinge of bitterness doesn't mean he isn't happy for Mark. He is.

He's even happy for Scott, which probably indicates some personal growth of his own. Scott's obviously worked through a lot of the shit that was in his head from how and where he grew up. He's confident for real now and more comfortable with himself and his place in the world. Less likely to take bigoted statements or losing a few closed-minded fans personally.

Scott's also more privileged now, of course. The industry is more accepting in 2021 than it was in 2011, yes, but Scott's also already found his place in it. He's already produced enough to be judged for his talent before his sexuality. He also already has enough money that he could eat for the rest of his life if everything turned on him tomorrow. That has to help make it easier for him to no longer give a fuck what people think of who he sleeps with.

He wonders if he and Scott would have lasted longer if "my boyfriend" had been a thing Scott could say back then. Maybe. Maybe not. It's not like they didn't have other issues. Alex is pretty confident they'd have grown apart anyway, but he wonders if it would have happened as quickly.

Then he wonders why he's wondering, because it's not like he'll ever actually know, and it's not like it matters anyway.

"Are you going to mope over your ex all night, or are you going to come to bed with me?" asks a voice from the doorway. "Remember me?"

"You're an asshole," Alex says fondly. He tosses the remote onto the side table and stands up to follow his favorite voice down the hall to their bedroom. "I'm coming."

"Only if you're very, very nice."

"I'm always nice!"

That gets him his boyfriend leaning back out of the bedroom door frame, a disbelieving eyebrow raise, and a dismissive once over down to his toes and back up to his face.

"I can be nice," Alex amends, putting on his most charming grin.

"Closer." The eyebrow softens at Alex's expression, and a lip quirks up. "Come show me, then."

Alex grins for real this time, and his wondering about Scott fades as quickly as it appeared.

***

He does still wonder if any interviewer will ever pronounce poor Kirstin's name right, though.

:)

Occasional curiosity over how an ex is doing or changing or growing is pretty normal. Most of us just learn it through social media or friend and family gossip rather than having it broadcast to the world for all to see.

I have no idea whether Alex is currently with someone or not. It's none of my business either way. I just wondered (heh) how he'd perceive Scott's growth on this over the years.