Smile | Suicidal Todoroki x Kaminari

1 | "Happy"

A/N:
there are ending pieces to each chapter that are in a different font, but if you're unable to read the fonts, i've added a comment to say what each piece says.
A/N from 2023:
the writing in this fic is horrendous. please consider reading something else.
Additionally, all of my poetry from here is old and bad, and I would love to redo it all.

This story is not intended to promote or encourage actions/behaviors such as suicide, self-harm, abuse, violence, purging, or eating disorders.

Denki Kaminari
•⊱—≬—⊰•

Although equipped with perhaps not the brightest of brains, even Kaminari could blatantly see that, putting it candidly, something was unequivocally dubious in Todoroki's aura. Kaminari hadn't been the first to identify Todoroki's behavior as glaringly unorthodox for the person they knew the heterochromatic student to be, but his curiosity was piqued—what transpired to unearth this new version of Todoroki, and why this specific version? It was true that Todoroki had already transformed from the person that class 1-A came to know after the Sports Festival, but this new transformation that the 3-A class witnessed was abrupt and drastic.

The student from 3-A that seldom smiled or evinced any vestige of emotion while speaking one day strolled into class with a smile. Yet, that smile lingered—when Todoroki smiled, such a smile endured ephemerally. Of course, an onslaught of exuberant and joking questions was tossed at Todoroki from the moment that his smile was sighted, but to Kaminari, it seemed almost uncanny how Todoroki continued to uphold his slight, sheepish smile.

"Todoroki-kun," Midoriya greeted Todoroki with a jubilant smile, "you're smiling. Did something good happen?" This caused the majority of the class to sling their eyes over to the student with evenly divided hair of crimson and white.

Kaminari was intrigued—maybe Todoroki had started dating or moved his relationship a step further with Yaoyorozu—so he observed as the gauche student of Quirk duality nodded. "You could say that," Todoroki replied, but his monotonous voice sounded as though it had been drained of what life it once held. "You'll find out later. Everyone here will know."

"Oi, oi," Bakugou chimed in with a growl. "Wipe the damn smug-ass smile off your face, Icyhot."

"Smug?" Todoroki replied.

"Bakugou!" Iida sharply asserted with the chop of his hand in the air. "Please watch your language!" The combination of Bakugou's incandescent glare and sardonic smirk might as well have been a middle finger to Iida.

Questions and commotion sizzled before fizzling out once class began, but Kaminari almost felt as though Todoroki's response to Midoriya had been eerie and foreboding. So, he decided to speak with the oblivious student during lunch.

"Hey, Todoroki," Kaminari called out once their lunch began and everyone shuffled towards the lunchroom. "How are you?" His expression twitched a bit, but that was paltry in comparison to the crippling vice of regret that bit down onto his soul; he hadn't intended to ask what he did.

Todoroki shrugged. "Good. Why do you ask? Sorry. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm good, but, well, I couldn't help but notice the smile. Bet you'll win over every lady you see." Kaminari flashed a smile of his own at his teasing remark, but Todoroki offered no reaction. "Aside from that... Any particular reason you're smiling? It looks phenomenal on ya, though!" He winked at Todoroki as they both sat down at a table together, which, in itself was peculiar since Todoroki typically sat with Yaoyorozu or by himself.

"I'm not sure. I'm just happy." Todoroki's smile widened ever so slightly, yet it also seemed to droop as he vacantly stared at the table. "I don't know how else to describe it, other than being 'happy.'"

Something about Todoroki's response sounded rather contradictory, but Kaminari couldn't quite place his finger on it. "Wait, so were you not happy before?" he impetuously asked before biting into his bento.

Todoroki's stare stiffened and froze into time itself for a mere moment before thawing. "Oh. That wasn't what I meant. I meant that I've been happier than usual. I'm not good at expressing myself, but I think this smile is all right."

Y'know, Kaminarii thought to himself, something seems pretty darn fishy about this all. Like, didn't you say that something good happened? But you're not sure why you're smiling? But it's because you're happy? Wait, what? I'm confusing myself.

"Hey, good for you!" Kaminari applauded the taller individual to somewhat prod for a reaction, but he had absolutely no idea what to expect from his efforts.

Todoroki's soft, slightly-grinning expression didn't waver, but he sheepishly nodded his head.

The fishiness has intensified, Kaminari realized as he nodded at Todoroki. Kinda thought you'd thank me and briefly say that you're glad to be happier. Hm. Maybe he isn't the most confident around others? Even though he's literally a badass when he fights... I don't know the story behind it, but he also had enough confidence in his ice Quirk to up and ditch his fire Quirk for a while. Then again, he put out his flames in his match against Bakugou a few years ago. Man, I'm just confusing myself more. I connect more dots and forget where I was going with them.

After roughly ten minutes of silence, Kaminari turned to face Todoroki again, and he noticed how Todoroki had been doing nothing but staring out at some undetermined point. "Uh, any plans for the weekend?" he decided to ask to loosen up the grip of the awkward atmosphere.

There it was again—Todoroki's smile. "Yeah. I guess I'm excited."

"Awesome! Like what?" Kaminari observed as Todoroki's expression almost seemed to become malleable and soft.

"Something that will make me happy, I guess?"

Not something that makes you happy, Kaminari pondered, but something that will make you happy? I thought you already were? I'm probably just stupid and not understanding something. That's how it always is, after all.

The sulfur-haired student raised his brows a bit at Todoroki's noncommittal response. "Well, with all this talk of happiness, what makes you happy?" For a few moments, silence felt like a rising tide pool that crawled along Kaminari's ankles and soon enveloped his torso. "Anything that you think gives you a good feeling afterwards."

Todoroki was unresponsive, yet his eyes were open, and his breaths were heavy and somewhat swift. His left arm twitched, and his shoulders heaved up and climbed back down as he breathed.

"Are you okay? Todoroki?"

⊹⊱—≬—⊰⊹
"𝖳𝗈 𝗌𝖾𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗈𝗆𝗈𝗋𝗋𝗈𝗐..."
...𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘰𝘧 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘸.
"𝙄𝙨 𝙞𝙩 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙝 𝙞𝙩?"