Smile | Suicidal Todoroki x Kaminari

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This story is not intended to promote or encourage actions/behaviors such as suicide, self-harm, abuse, violence, purging, or eating disorders.

Denki Kaminari
•⊱—≬—⊰•

For the past week, Kaminari had been oscillating between whether or not to contact professional help to see to it that his boyfriend underwent proper treatment for everything that was blatantly blighting him and deteriorating his quality of life. Kaminari had confronted Todoroki prior to the crash about what he had deduced was an eating disorder that was latched onto Todoroki's back, but Todoroki denied it. After the crash, Todoroki was nourished back to a stable weight from the aid of a feeding tube, but even though Todoroki was attempting to eat regularly, he was still eating far too little to maintain a healthy weight.

I think I'm definitely gonna have to get him some help, Kaminari sighed to himself as he walked towards the Todoroki residence. I know he doesn't want it, but I gotta stop thinking about his temporary feelings towards it—I'd rather have him alive and furious with me than...dead. I never realized how much an eating disorder can completely usurp someone's own lifestyle and life. Hm. Kinda like a fish hook to a fish. You see the bait, and you bite it, thinking there's probably no harm with just an experiment or something, but once you bite down, the hook's there to stay. You struggle, but the hook gets buried deeper, and the wound is exacerbated. When you think you've broken the line of habits holding up that deadly hook, the hook stays with you. And maybe...you'll even get caught again and again. Someday, it's gonna kill you, Shoto. I'll free you, alrighty?

As Kaminari began scaling the ladder of ice Todoroki crystallized to reach his window, he began to ponder how his own boyfriend thought. He really doesn't tell me much about himself. It's a little frustrating that he won't open up to me at least as much as he did for Yaoyorozu, but I don't blame him. Does he think he's fat? Ugly? Does he think he has to be thin to have people like him, or think he looks attractive? Does he think he doesn't deserve to eat anything? Or that he deserves to starve? He's starving himself for a reason, right? It's sad to think that Endeavor doesn't seem to care at all. Like, this is his own damn son we're talking about!

Sliding into Todoroki's bedroom from the window, Kaminari habitually peered over at Todoroki's futon, but the futon was vacant. His brows raised as he glanced around the room, but there was a chip in the stillness of the atmosphere; through the transparent mire of dim, saffron light was the waltz of a shadow diving across the wall of the bathroom.

"Shoto?" the sulfur-haired student whispered while approaching the bathroom with an unobstructed view of its interior. "Sho—" Stupefaction choked his voice while his eyes desired to clamp shut and avert from the truth.

Kaminari sprinted for his lackadaisical boyfriend who was in the process of plunging a blade into his arm. With fervid urgency sizzling against the rims of his eyes and burning through the crevices of his mind, Kaminari pushed out a desperate yelp from his taut chest. Upon careening into the bathroom, he flopped down in front of Todoroki, who yielded a scant reaction to Kaminari's presence. Kaminari cautiously yet swiftly gripped Todoroki's cadaverous hand that threatened to add another laceration or puncture wound to his arm. Threads and jewels of cerise embellished Todoroki's arm like a fluid garment.

I'm not gonna stand by and be useless! Kaminari roared to himself. I always get the background role. Hey, Bakubro, try calling me a damn extra now! Kiri, aren't I being manly?! I can be useful on my own! See?! I'm...not just an idiot, right?! I'm more than that...right?

"Shu, stop," Kaminari implored his impassive lover. "Please... Hey, why don't we find something else to do?" Yet, Todoroki's countenance was like a rimy wall of stone. "Shu? C'mon, it'll be worth it. I prom—"

Todoroki's blank mien contorted into a vitriolic snarl of ardor as a thunderous hiss of pain cracked like a whip. Where two voids that once reminded Kaminari of resplendent, unfathomable oceans of refulgent turquoise and silver were, two raw, unhinged mirrors that reflected an inner creature of innominate mystery replaced them. Todoroki expeditiously thrust his hand against Kaminari's face like a supine animal thrashing its paws at its assailant. Hollow eyes that could no longer see still wielded with them the fiery ferocity of a colossal beast.

This isn't like him at all?! Kaminari began to mentally brood over what he presumed was Todoroki's inner turmoil. What happened? Why's he trying to attack me? Hey, wait! OH, SHIT?!

With the visceral expression of a feral, diseased animal, Todoroki lunged for Kaminari. Blood had splashed across Todoroki's clothing and flesh, and in that moment, Kaminari could see nothing but the deranged, unshackled, simple look of happiness in his boyfriend's eyes.

Shck!

All Kaminari could feel was the impact of something against his neck. His vision had deteriorated into a murky marsh of white, but after a moment, he realized that the white haze adorning his sight was fleeting. Then, his head jerked to the side a bit. Something had been lodged into his neck, and given that Todoroki had previously been cutting, Kaminari could conclude only one object that had penetrated his neck.

Hey... Kaminari pondered while the weight of his body seemed to drain into the feeling of floating weightlessly in the air. There's something warm spilling down my neck. Shu... Was I right? Is he a serial killer? No, I believe in him. Oh, I think I get it... He's doing this because...he thinks it'll ensure I'm happy? Having lived...with everything I ever needed, and even having a Quirk that got me into 1-A of U.A...I was never useless, right? Hey, look... He's smiling. That's a genuine smile from him. Yeah. He's...happy. Look, look... Hey, we're both wearing a smile. It looks pretty crazy, but I shouldn't judge. If this is what he looks like when he's happy, that's all right with me. It's still his unique smile, and I'll love both him and his crazy smile...

"Denki, if you're useless, then why am I so happy to be spending time with you? I still habitually smile at a lot of things, but this one is genuine."

"I guess I can't argue with a smile as cute as that. It's like... I know I'm not just a doofus, but I can't help but think that I am. Aww, you always get so cuddly and affectionate when I'm moping around like this."

"I just want you to be happy. When the good moments come, it's best to savor them, right? I think so. I want to make these moments last as long as possible."

Is that why you never told me much? Kaminari wondered while a waterfall of light like the snow began to flood into his mind and purge his senses. Before I could learn more... You were just protecting me? I still wanted to learn the truth and help you to be happy on the daily, but...maybe we'll both be happy after this. That's what I'll choose to believe. How could I argue with that earnest smile?

As the embers of Denki's being flickered out with the wind of a fresh reality, he sieved only one detail before the white petals of perpetual liberty danced over his head: a saccharine, sincere, suicidal smile.

。。。

The next chapter puts some of the missing pieces I've left into place and finishes the poem that trailed off at the end of the last chapter. I personally prefer the alternate ending over the true ending, but I'll let you decide what you think.

You can tell I kind of gave up on this story. It had moments I enjoyed, but I don't know. I just didn't like this story much. It was weird. Maybe I should've kept it as a one-shot.