Far Side of the Dolunay

Honesty and high horses (5. Bölüm)

A/N: a dive into Ferit and Nazlı's conversation at Bulut's birthday party. This scene always pulls at my heartstrings, to see how much he misses his sister, and how lost he is. To me this bölüm also explains a lot about Ferit's approach to honesty and integrity, and why he holds himself (and others) to such high standards.

As a reminder, this bölüm of the show explains that since he was a child/teenager Ferit has kept the secret of his mother's affair because he didn't want to betray her but also couldn't bear to hurt his father (and by extension his sister), but it tore him up inside 😔

'It's not difficult to tell the truth. You just have to want to do the right thing.'

Nazlı's eyes sparked, her cool confrontation slipping into heartfelt anger, her hands gesturing in frustration.

'Have you never been in a situation where you both wanted and didn't want to say something? When there was hardly a moment when you wanted to stay quiet and yet couldn't say a word? Has there really never been a situation like that for you? Even with your mother, your father, your friends?'

Ferit felt his gaze drawn inexorably towards his mother. His mind went to their conversation the other morning where they'd opened old wounds to let out fresh grief. Fifteen years' worth of his own silence seemed to settle on his shoulders, holding him in place with their weight.

'You're very lucky, Ferit Bey. How happy you must be.'

Nazlı turned and walked away, leaving him with only guilt and shame, and the realisation that she was right. He had no right to be on his high horse.

He knew perfectly well how hard it was to just speak at times, knowing that no matter what you said it would cause heartbreak. He'd grown up under that burden, from a conflicted child scared of betraying one of his parents to a resentful adult who didn't know how to trust women in particular and people in general. He'd stayed quiet for fifteen years for the sake of his father, and then for his sister...

A pang struck through his chest, and suddenly all he could think was how desperately he wanted to speak to Zeynep. To sit in her comfortable living room scattered with Bulut's toys, while she used the extent of her culinary skills to make coffee. For her to sit next to him and listen quietly while he told her the bare minimum, then pin him with those eyes so like his own, and pry the rest out of him. He wouldn't have asked for advice but she'd give it anyway, and she'd be right as always. He could practically hear her voice.

Abi, is it not possible that you're angry at Nazlı Hanım because she called you out on neglecting Bulut just so you can stay away from Hakan's house? Hmm? Not even a little bit?

Feritcim, maybe we should consider that Nazlı should be judged on her own actions, and not her friend's....

Hearing Engin's discovery about Fatoş had felt like a red flag and Ferit's kneejerk reaction had been to reevaluate the behaviour Nazlı had wrought in him as evidence that he was being lured into a very clever trap: working from home, shopping trips, banter and games about watermelons and cookies. It wasn't like him, he didn't know what was happening, and those long, charged moments when they were alone...

But whatever this tension was that hovered between them, Nazlı didn't deserve for him to be so suspicious of her intentions. Time and again she'd proven that, particularly where Bulut was concerned, her motivations were irreproachable and she would stand by them, even if that meant disagreeing with Ferit.

He started off away from the party in search of her, not knowing yet what he'd say, but determined to say something. Even when it was hard to hear, Nazlı risked his anger, risked her job to be honest with him. The least he could do was respond in kind.