Far Side of the Dolunay

Head and heart (6. Bölüm)

A/N: brand new NazFer interaction inspired by the sauna comments the next morning, and a foray into Ferit's night time musings inspired by him seeing Nazlı from his bedroom window. Ferit seems to reach a turning point here so I wanted to try and address how he decides to 'let his heart have its say' - because, as we all know, the next day swoony Ferit Bey arrives and starts putting himself out there 😍 Is this how you thought Ferit turned the corner? Your votes and comments are always so, so appreciated!

Link in the header to the cover of 'Sadece' from Türkü Turan used in the show, it's a good vibe (the original by Kalben is lovely too).

Nazlı turned the door handle quietly and poked her head into Ferit Bey's bedroom. She expected it to be dark and soothing, but instead a lamp glowed on his bedside table as he lay fast asleep in bed, the pages of a report scattered over his chest.

For god's sake, the man spent all day looking like he was struggling with whether to close his eyes or let his head explode, and he thought now was the time to read reports?

She tiptoed over and placed the water she'd brought for him on the bedside table, gently gathering the papers from his chest and stacking them next to it. She froze and held her breath for a few seconds when he stirred, not entirely sure how he'd feel about her being in his room, but he settled.

Clicking off the lamp, the room fell into cool dimness, lit by only the moonlight filtering through the blinds, and she hovered for a moment looking at his face cast in shadows.

He seemed younger and more relaxed in sleep, though there was still that little frown between his eyebrows. It had been a difficult day for him - sick, stuck at home, unable to escape into his work, and having had what appeared to be a rather tense conversation with Demet Hanım. Followed by another tense conversation with Nazlı.

Ok, maybe it hadn't been the right time to confront him about that, but Nazlı had just felt so irritated: there was obviously a past there and yet Ferit Bey had tried to claim his enmity was solely due to the situation with Bulut. He'd kept it from her and she felt almost irrationally frustrated with both of them.

Although, as much as Nazlı didn't trust the woman as far as she could throw her, maybe Demet Hanım had a point about Ferit Bey 'keeping all his good and bad times inside himself'. She had once thought him heartless, robotic, but she'd seen enough to know that some things he felt very deeply - but he strived to keep it under the surface, rarely letting it show.

Nazlı flashed back to the photos of teenage Ferit Bey she'd found in the drawer - that happy young man, a big, open smile lighting his face, all long arms and long legs and those wide shoulders he'd yet to grow into. What had happened to draw him into himself, to hold it all down so tightly with constraints of logic and order? There was some cautionary tale which pushed its way forward every time he opened up, and made him retreat back behind his wall of distance and rules. Was it Demet Hanım? Or did it start earlier than that?

Ferit has been alone a lot. Leman Hanım's words at Bulut's birthday party made even more sense now. Even as sick as he was, he'd stood in his own kitchen this afternoon determined not to let Nazlı in, not to show any more weakness than he already had. Physical weakness was bad enough - she was surprised he'd given in and eventually called the doctor - but mental, or emotional? Not this man - in the role of impenetrable protector he'd taken on he could not show any vulnerability.

Oh no, Tall, Dark and Unfathomable was alive and well, accustomed to being alone and fixing everything himself. She couldn't help but think that was part of the reason he'd fallen ill in the first place.

Well, tough. This time Nazlı would take care of him - it was just as well that he'd finally relented and accepted that she wasn't going anywhere; this was one thing he wouldn't deal with alone.