The Space Between a Rock and a Hard Place- 5SOS

Chapter Twelve

I Wanna Be Yours- Arctic Monkeys

Calum Hood:

LA.

Home.

Aviana.

Only a few thoughts inhabited my mind as we were driven home from the airport.

Luke knows.

Ever since those words slipped out of my mouth two nights ago, I've been kicking myself for it. The problem with keeping all your emotions bottled up inside of you is that eventually, they get out. And I had provided the perfect opportunity for my inner monologue to explode.

I can trust Luke, right? Yeah... I mean, we've known each other for years, it should be fine. I just have to tell Av how I feel as soon as possible. Listen to Mali's advice, she's always right.

Aviana knew we were coming home tonight. In fact, I was headed over to her place tonight, since time zones are giving me a few extra hours today to stop by after the official end of our first tour.

Wow, our first tour. I can't believe this is my life. I just hope Av feels the same- I want her to be a part of it.

I say goodbye to the boys as I'm dropped off at my home. It's dark and dead, no one to keep it lively for the last two weeks. I unlock the side door to the garage, getting a whiff of the musty garage, and drag my belongings inside to the kitchen. Gosh, I'm so hungry, and I've got little to nothing here.

Guess I'm gonna be having the stale bread from two weeks ago and peanut butter until I get to the store. This is actually the most depressing meal I've had in awhile, and it doesn't help my nerves that have been gradually building up throughout the day.

I can't get the thought out of my head that she might completely reject me. I could go over there tonight and ruin everything. Our friendship could go right out the window because I want it to be something more. Do I even like her or are we just close? Am I the one in the wrong, too deep in the possibilities to see reality?

I pull open the freezer, maybe there'll be something decent in here. Ha, nope.

I settle with my peanut butter and take a quick shower afterward. I feel better now, but the refreshment won't last long. At least I'm home.

There's really not much to do here though. I pace around the house until it's time to head over, occasionally finding the motivation to put away something I had packed for the tour.

And then it was five o'clock. It was time to head over and face my fears.

I sit in my car, processing my thoughts, before finally finding the courage to start it and leave. Mali's words echoed in my head from our conversation.

Don't be afraid.

Stop doubting yourself.

Don't be too worried about it.

But I was afraid. I was doubtful of everything. And I was so worried. No words could stop the feelings I felt. The good and the bad.

The whole way there, I drove in silence, my mind loud enough as it is. I took in the LA views once more, I missed this place, and I never really got to properly explore it.

I pull up to her apartment, and there's nowhere to run to now. I've got to just go for it. I get out of my car, lock it, and head to her door, wiping my sweaty hands off on my pants.

Here we go, I pause and then knock on her door. After a moment, she opens the door with the biggest smile on her face. She's still as beautiful as the last time.

"Calum! Hi! I'm so glad you stopped by, how was Canada?" she says enthusiastically.

I nervously run my hand through my hair before responding, "Uhm, it was good I guess, did some stuff for Luke's birthday, venues were nice..."

"I'm glad. Come inside already, I wanna give you a hug, it feels like forever," she laughs and pulls me through the door into her living space.

Aviana reaches out her arms like a child giving me the sweetest look, and I accept her hug. I can feel her smiling into my chest and her hair smells amazing. She pulls away a bit too soon and gestures towards the couch to sit down.

"I thought you would have gone right to sleep when you got back,"

I sit down next to her, leaving a bit of distance so I can turn and face her. "Oh, I'm plenty tired, but I wanted to talk to you actually,"

I see her mood shift but she's trying to hide it.

"Cal, I know we were kind of in a bad vibe last time, but it's fine really, it was just a long day-"

"No that's not it, Av," I cut her rambling off.

"Oh," she starts to fidget with the edges of her clothing again, a nervous habit of hers I'd picked up on. I'm nervous too, Av.

"Is everything okay?" she asks, and I'm not sure yet, but we're about to find out.

"Uhm, yeah, well... I guess," I pause, taking a deep breath. Mali told me not to be afraid, but her piercing eyes seem to be looking directly into my soul.

"I think I like you Av," I spit out.

Silence.

Oh, shit, this is bad. This was a mistake. I start to panic now as I wait for her to say something.

"Oh, uhm, okay," she responds, "I'm sorry, Calum, you just got back, I don't really think I feel the same way..."

"Okay," is all I can choke out.

"I missed you so much, you know that right? I just don't think I know right now where my heart lies, especially with you guys being away for so long..." Av explains, and I feel like I'm being suffocated sitting here, "Can I have some time to process?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I guess I'll leave now,"

She reaches out to console me, even after everything I just said, but I stand up and pull away. I can't bear to be here any longer. I need to go.

I let myself out of her apartment and start the car, just hoping I could make it home through the tears forming in my eyes and spilling out down my face.

Could I have been more stupid?

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