Kid Doctor ~ Spencer Reid

Broken Heart

Spencer and Morgan were lightly arguing by the time the day began. Well, it was more Spencer being passive-aggressive while Morgan kept trying to get Reid to talk to him. It just wasn't working.

"Can you act like an adult?"
"I am."
"You're acting like a child."
"Don't call me that."

Spencer pushed past Morgan on his way out of the room, looking at the file in his hands as he went down the stairs to his desk.

"Reid-"
"I don't want to talk to you."
"Why?"
"You know full well why, Morgan."
"No, I don't."
"How could you possibly forget? Was I really that easy to move on from?"

Reid glared up at the taller male as realization came across Morgan's face. Spencer's eyes gave away everything. He was still hurt about the way Morgan had broken up with him.

"You're still on about that?"

Reid gave a small, bitter laugh, turning back to his computer. He forgot some paperwork. They didn't notice the silencing of the bullpen, people starting to pay attention.

"Typical of males. Less ability to understand emotions and how their actions effect others. Selfish by nature, toxic masculinity-"
"You're a guy too."
"At least I know when I've hurt someone so badly that they don't want to try and make amends."

Reid had looked up at Morgan for that last bit of information before turning back to the file.

"Listen to yourself."
"Really? That's what you're telling me?"
"Yes! You're acting so immature right now!"
"I'm immatu- Remind me which one of us broke up with the other on the two year anniversary of the relationship? Remind me which one of us let the other give them a wonderful night before telling them horrible things? Remind me which one of us didn't even think for a second that the other was going through a hard time already?"

The silence was deafening, Morgan sighing at the words coming out of Reid's mouth.

"Can we talk in private?"
"'No, Derek, because if we talk in private it will be my word against yours. Talk to me out here, where people can see you for who you are. Tell them why you left me, Morgan."

There was silence again as Morgan just shook his head, trying to act like nothing happened.

"I'm not going to-"
"Why not? Afraid you'll lose your friends? Ashamed of us?"
"I'm not ashamed-"
"Then tell them why you ended a relationship that meant so much to us!"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I'm not going to spill our personal matters out here."
"It stopped being personal when I was almost dropped from the force because I had no one to check on me when I almost relapsed because you came in here and told everyone that I had lost my mind permanently this time and wouldn't get out of bed."

Morgan just rolled his eyes, looking at Reid.

"Shut up."
"No."
"Stop talking about this in the open."
"Why?"
"They don't need to know."
"Why not? Don't they deserve to know why I almost died? Why you almost killed me? I laid in my bathtub unable to get up due to the force of the of seizure I had because I wasn't able to get to my medication and I was under so much stress and heartbreak, hoping and praying to a non-existent higher power that someone would come and see that I needed help!"
"How was I supposed to know that?"
"You could have helped by not spreading a rumor that I was in a depressive episode!"
"Weren't you?"
"I was near relapsing on a severe drug addiction to make the pain stop and had more seizures in a day then I probably had in the last three months! Does that not say enough to you?"

Reid was desperate, trying to get anything, something from Derek to show that he once cared about him.

"Why does it matter?"
"I loved you, Morgan!"

There was a small pause from everyone in the room.

"Reid, I-"
"No! No, it's my turn. My turn to speak. You talked over me every time we got angry and this is my turn to share my side. I loved you. I gave you my heart and I opened up to you unlike anyone I've ever talked to in my entire life. I told you about my mother and-and my father and how they treated me because I trusted you! I told you about my problems and I told you that I was getting tested for autism and after I got my diagnosis and started acting the way I wanted to, the way I am on the inside, you started becoming distant! You left me, Morgan! I remember your words exactly because I sobbed my heart out in my bedroom so long that I threw up from how violently I was crying! You told me that I was 'too difficult to put up with anymore and too much of a know-it-all to be considered a person worth loving'. I died the day you walked out the door of my apartment, the day you told me I was a freak just like everyone else I've ever let into my life like that has!"

Tears were streaming down Reid's face now. Everyone was just paralyzed in fear of Reid lashing out.

"You were my everything, Morgan. The next time I visited my mom two weeks later she held me as I broke down crying and she didn't even recognize me, she just saw someone in pain and wanted to help! I-I-I had to be given new medication because everything worsened after you left and you didn't even talk to me for months. I had no one I could talk to anymore, I can't just go around to everyone in the BAU talking to them about my trauma, no one wants to hear me talk about my mother hitting me when she was having an episode. No one wants to hear me talk about my self image issues. You, though, Morgan, you were the one person I knew that could actually listen and wouldn't make fun of me for it or forget in three days and you would comfort me on bad days and hold me when I had breakdowns and I did the same for you!"

Reid pushed his palms into his eyes, trying to rid the tears.

"You left, and you took my life with you. I showed you parts of me that no one in my life has ever seen before, and the fact that you had to end our two year relationship by calling me the things the people at my high school and college would as they locked me on a roof overnight or hung me on the flag pole hurt."

Morgan started to take a step towards him but Spencer backed up instinctively. He didn't let people touch him, not anymore. Not after getting hurt like that.

"I'm not a robot.."

Reid covered his mouth and left the room swiftly, locking himself in the bathroom and just sobbing into his knees. He wished he was a robot. Maybe the pain would stop then.