Kid Doctor ~ Spencer Reid

Diagnosis (1)

This will be a multiple part series on Reid getting his various diagnoses. This one is his diagnosis for autism. These chapters will be long since it will include him getting the results and possible process of a diagnosis, and him telling at least part of the team.

Reid stared at the paper in his hand. The envelope, actually. The unopened one. He just didn't know if he wanted to open it, to find out if everything he went through and everything he tested for was all for nothing or if he had gone so incredibly long without knowing. He was scared. For one of the few times in his life, he was so genuinely terrified of what was in this envelope.

What if it was positive? What if he was autistic? It would explain a lot, it would show so much, but it would mean another thing to add to his medical record. Another thing that was wrong with him. Another thing that messed him up. Another thing that showed all the problems he had, all the issues, all the reasons that he was barely functional.

What if it was negative? What if he went through so much pain for nothing? What if he was genuinely just weird? There wouldn't be an explanation. There wouldn't be a reason for his "quirks", for his odd behavior, for his obsessions, his wants to tell people, his aversions, his problems. He would just be weird.

He wasn't sure which was more scary.

He sighed and picked up the envelope again, pacing slightly. Why was he so scared? There wasn't anything scary about getting a diagnosis, he had gotten plenty before. He had asked for the diagnosis to be written on a paper and sealed by his therapist instead of being told about it, he didn't want to risk having problems in front of someone. He wanted to be alone, too. He chose this. He chose to be alone. He chose to go through this by himself. Why did he choose this? He slit open the letter but didn't take out the paper. He couldn't.

"Damnit."

He picked up his phone now, setting the finally opened letter down in its place. He dialed Garcia's number, waiting, praying, hoping she'd pick up. He needed someone to be there, someone he trusted. He chose to be alone, but he wanted to be with someone he trusted and someone he believed would take him seriously. He didn't want to bother Hotch or JJ since they had kids, and Rossi was like a father figure but he knew Rossi wouldn't want to be bothered, and Morgan was out doing who knows what. Prentiss as busy with a late night at the bureau, so Garcia was the only one who he knew would answer and he felt comfortable enough to talk to about this.

"This is the wonderful Penelope, how can I help?"
"Garcia?"

Reid didn't notice his voice was shaking, but he cleared his throat and spoke again.

"Garcia?"
"Hey, Reid! Are you okay? Is everything alright?"
"Yea, yea! Just-"
"Don't lie to me."
"I-"
"Don't lie."

Garcia accused, and Reid just sighed.

"I need to be near someone I trust right now. I-I got a letter for a diagnosis and I'm.. I'm scared to open it."
"I thought they usually said that in person?"
"They-They do, they do, I-I asked for the letter. I didn't want to be with someone, but I realize how that I just didn't want to be with someone I didn't know and now I'm just worried about what it says because I-I'm scared about it because if I am autistic then it explains-"
"Reid, sweetie, take a deep breath. You got tested for autism?"

Reid's breath caught in his throat, not realizing what he was saying as he spoke.

"Reid? It's okay, I'll be over in a bit. You got tested and you didn't tell anyone?"
"I... I was scared because if my test came back negative, what would that say about me? And if it's positive, what will they think about me?"
"Oh, Spencer.."