November 3rd – 1987
I broke everything. Smashed the mirrors, wiped the counter tops, tore the table, destroyed the bedroom, flooded the bathroom. My mind is wild, and I'm unable to think of only one thing. She is gone. Y/N agreed to Pierce's deal. And now I have lost her.
November 7th – 1987
Although I'm not proud to admit it, I drank. And drank. And drank. I also cried. I stared at pictures, drink in my hand, dampening the ink with my tears. I stared out the window, drink in my hand, as I had done once with her. Except her head wasn't in my lap, but probably buried in HYDRA's torture.
I am a mess. I can't do anything. I can't save her. I have no one to call, for help or guidance. No one to trust. But I haven't the capability to save her alone. It would do her only harm. Seeing me might ease the pain, but knowing all of mine would make her feel worse.
Trying to rescue her from HYDRA would only result in my kidnapping too, which wouldn't do much for either of us.
November 10th – 1987
I quit. I demanded the boss gave me my last wage and I brought a computer. Only a crappy, cheap one. But I have finally decided to get off my ass and plan. To get back my girl.
December 1st – 1987
It's been a few weeks, and I have nothing. I have wanted to give up every single day, but seeing her smiling face on my wall keeps me going. Well, after the waterfalls of tears, that is.
I found that HYDRA has bases set up globally. I narrowed down the possibilities of where they would keep her. For starters, she wouldn't be in the US. HYDRA is bound to know I would go looking for her, so they wouldn't make it too easy for me.
Next, was Europe. Hungary, Romania and Germany each have base set ups. And of course, Russia. But that is another place too obvious.
Hungary seems quite random, and is definitely a place I wouldn't think to look first. So I decided, that it would come first.
As I looked through all these HYDRA bases, I realised I had missed thanksgiving with her. And she was the only thing I was thankful for... and I still am thankful for.
Her smile, her eyes, her perfect body, her smile. The way she used to calm me, and whisper that she loved me. Our evening meals and movie nights. Our hour long conversations that dragged through until dawn. And the way she would curl herself into me, moulding her body with mine.
Thinking about her only makes me more determined. I know that she wouldn't want me to be wasting my freedom searching for her, but I also know that I don't want my freedom if she isn't by my side. I'd rather sit in that chair, knowing I had her to go back to when everything was over.
December 12th – 1987
It's nearing christmas, and the carol singers won't stop coming around. Children are smiling with their parents, and people are putting up their trees. I feel like The Grinch, and people look at me like I am too. But Christmas is a time spent with loved ones, and mine is overseas, millions of miles away, unaware of what day it is.
I resulted in Hungary being the most unusual place they would keep her, although I have put Russia on my list. Although it is obvious, it seems to obvious. Perhaps they placed her there thinking I would overlook it, because it seemed too obvious.
I'm repeating myself. I barely know what the day is unless someone reminds me with the Christmas Countdown. Or the newspaper.
I watch the TV, late at night when I can't sleep, whilst eating the vanilla ice cream. It was what she used to do. I watch the ridiculous shows, the ones that made her laugh even though the jokes weren't funny.
I remember how she used to laugh at my jokes like that. I am going to get her back. Even if I have to die for it.
YOU ARE READING
Bucky x Y/N - Life In Hydra
ФанфикMy father always warned me the world was a difficult place. But I never really understood the extent of his words. Until, I was kidnapped by HYDRA. Forced to adapt to their standards and way of life, I was practically brainwashed of what life was li...
