Shadows

The first drop of ink - acceptance and understanding

I used to think that the world is too cruel for someone like me — complicated, broken, and hurt. I see the world as an enemy, a very place that should nurture me yet allowed me to struggle in many ways, a child too young to comprehend what pain feels like.

I needed to belong. I needed to be understood. I needed answers. Yet, I felt abandoned to my own confusion. My innocence was slowly ripped away by loss, grief, and unexplainable pain.

Looking back, I can say I was never really alone. Yet, when you learn to rely on your understanding for too long, you find comfort in silence. Sometimes there is no resolution there, but there is certainly no disappointment either.

When I seek a place where I can feel accepted and understood, I fail to find that refuge. I am sometimes overbearing for others, too timid for other people. And so, when I learned how to write off how I feel; I did not feel acceptance and understanding. What I felt was relief and a realization that maybe I do not need to bottle all up how I feel. Maybe, a pen and a paper is enough to keep me accompany.

And here I am. I may have used up so many pens and paper that I have noticed how many piled up poems I have accumulated in the past years. Some were written sober, some are simply an explosion of bottled up pain and unsaid words, and some are simply forgotten tears.
I know, I am not alone. Maybe there are people who are just like me — in pain and inexpressive. So I thought, maybe my words can find people who can relate. Maybe, somewhere out there, someone is lost trying to find the right words to say. And maybe, just maybe, they find comfort in mine. And just like me, they may hide behind my art.

I would have loved to express myself freely, but I am glad I am able to hide behind my poems, for now. So, cheers to the bottled pain and unspoken feelings we share. May we all find the courage to be freely expressive, and to get out of our walls. I hope time can mend all wounds, and allow our shadows to be finally accepted in light.

As you read and continuously flip the pages, may you feel accepted and understood. Because the first drop of ink that made my first poem, my heart was seeking for the same refuge. (#)

Miss Heartstrong <3