The Oldest Woman in the World

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Carlo left his office around eight-thiry in the evening. His wife had told him that she'd be late home because of a work dinner, so he stopped off for a pizza at the Chinese takeaway just downstairs from his flat. As soon as he opened the flat door, he smelt a strange odour like something had gone off- not too strong, but annoying. He turned on the lights, put his pizza down on the kitchen table and checked the fridge. Apart from a carton of milk that went off yesterday which didn't smell yet, he couldn't find anything worthy of emitting such a sharp stink. He threw open the windows to let in some fresh air and went into his bedroom to change clothes. He couldn't bear the shirt and tie that he'd had on since this morning any longer, and couldn't wait to chuck on a t-shirt and some track pants.

He was taking his tie off when his gaze fell onto his wife's side of the bed. He noticed that the covers were rumpled, as if someone had been lying on them. He and Giada had made the bed that morning and had left for work together. His wife was obsessed with pulling the sheets so tightly they left not so much as a single crease. Maybe she'd stopped off at home before going out to dinner and had lain down for a moments rest. While he was contemplating this, his mobile rang. It was Giada.

«Hello?»

«Hi, honey! Are you at home?»

«Heya baby. Yeah, I've just got here. I was just about to have pizza. You?»

«We've just got to the restaurant...I don't really feel like this at all. I hope it won't last too long...Will you wait up for me?»

«Depends when you're getting back. I'm bloody tired and I don't know if I can stay up.»

«Well, if you fall asleep maybe I'll try and wake you.» That second, the landline rang.

«Giada, wait a sec, the other phone is ringing.»

Carlo looked around for the cordless -which was never in its place- following the ringing, he found it in the bathroom perched on the basin.

«Hello?”

The voice at the other end made his blood run cold. It sounded like his wife, but trembling and slightly more penetrating. Often, Giada enjoyed playing the part of a little old grandma; or rather a “dopey” old woman, as she used to call it, and the voice on the phone sounded just like that. But what struck him more were her words: “Hellooo looove! Are you at hooome?”

Carlo looked at his cellphone in his other hand. The display showed the current call, “Giada mob – 1 min. and 6 seconds”. He heard his wife shouting in another direction:

«Hang on! I'm coming! Carlo? Carlo? Are you there? I've got to go!»

He quickly answered his mobile.

«Wait a minute Giada. Wait!» He put the house phone back to his ear.

«Hello, who is this? I believe you've got the wrong num...» The trembling voice interrupted him:

«Waaiiit fooor meee. I'm cooming...»

Then, he heard the caller hang up. Picking up his mobile, he quickly tried, «Giada, you still there?»

«Yeah, but not for long. They're calling me. Who was it?»

«No idea. Sounded like an old lady's voice. Like you when you do the voice of a dopey granny.»

«Like thiiiiissss vooooiiice? Loook, I'm nooot seeniiiillle.»

«Yeah, like that. Really similar.»

«Caaaarloooo...»

«Quit it, Giada!»

«Ok. I gotta go now. They're calling me over.»

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