Scary ghost stories and stuff (1)

I like girls

I like girls. I'm pretty sure I'm not a lesbian though. My counselor says it's probably because I haven't met the right boy yet. It's probably true. In fact, I haven't met many boys at all. There are no boys in our girls-only school, obviously. My counselor says it's pretty natural for us to experiment with one another, due to the lack of males.

I do think it's a little more than practicing for boys, though. The girls I kissed, they were probably just experimenting. They would tell me of the boys they imagined they were kissing, their perfect boy. I don't do that. I just like the feeling of their lips, and their soft hair. It's a secret to my counselor though, she wouldn't be too happy about it.

There's this one girl I have a crush on these days. Her name is Jessica, and her smile is the most beautiful thing I've seen. I really like it when she runs her fingers through my hair. Of course, I never tell her this. She has a special boy image too, one she tells me about with a dreamy face. A boy with red hair and freckles, just like her.

Even so, as I said before, I know I'm not a lesbian. I can easily imagine my perfect boy, too. Blond hair, blue eyes like mine... My counselor says this is natural too. Bits of stories we hear when we're younger make this image of the boy, the one who was made to be with us. But it's not like I have feelings for this imaginary boy, not like my girl crushes. It's more like a sureness that I'll marry him, have children with him, live happily ever after. I know this for a fact, of course. We're bred once we finish high school. We need to be conditioned to like each other for the experiment to work. That's probably why our schools are seperated by sex, in case we fall in love with anyone other than our specific partners.

I just try to believe that I'm not a lesbian. It's not like I can date girls if I decide I am. It doesn't really work well, though. I just hope my partner isn't too bad. I'm pretty sure it will turn out okay in the end, though. After all, we were made for each other.