The Blackmail Dilemma

Dare Me To Lose

What the hell happened, Kiley?" My brother demanded, targeting me as I walked into the house. Honestly, I didn't have an answer for him. I didn't really know myself. I just knew that I had spent the rest of school hours aimlessly driving around the city, trying to drown out the loud noises in my mind.

"Kiley," Nelson said, grabbing my arm to keep me from moving further inside the house. "I need you to tell me. I need to hear it from you."

I laughed bitterly, shrugging off his arm. "What do you want me to say? What the hell do you want me to say, Nelson?"

"Your friend was sleeping with the teacher, and you kept that secret?" He stated, almost like it was a simple fact.

"That is none of your concern," I hissed. "Her love life is no ones concern and if you try to tell me she deserved what happened today, I will hurt you. Do you understand me?"

He shook his head, folding his arms over his chest. "I'm not saying that. It's just, she's talking bad about you. At school. People are posting online. Saying that you stood up for her in public, but you couldn't be bothered to help her out in private. Is that true?"

I could feel all the color drain from my face. It hurt to think about. It hurt to think about the fact that I was a coward, and I couldn't tell the principal what Stacie did to me, even if it would help one of the girls that had become my best friend. Kalila would be so disappointed in me. But they knew. Janessa and Kalila knew how much it hurt me to talk about. They knew that I couldn't talk about the past. They knew that the moment I said anything bad about Stacie, she would tell the whole school what I did. Even if I was trying to come to terms with the fact that it wasn't my fault, shouldn't have been my fault, I couldn't do it yet.

"You could have tried to end it," my brother's voice interrupted my thoughts. "You could've just told the principal what happened with Stacie. You could've told her how she blackmails everyone, and you could've built a case against her. You could've-"

"No!" I screamed, my voice hoarse from my previous crying. "No. I couldn't do it. I couldn't and I can't and I won't."

"You need to stop letting her hold this over your head."

"That's not your decision to make," I said, turning and heading for the stairs. "No one can decide that but me, and I'm not ready, so I need you to leave me alone."

I got halfway up the stairs, silent tears streaming down my face, before I turned back to look at my brother. He stood at the bottom of the stairs, watching me. I felt like a wild animal let out of their enclosure. Everyone would be looking at me now. I couldn't even blame Janessa for bad talking me. At least she didn't expose my secret. At least she was a better friend than I was.

We could never be friends again. Not after what I did. Janessa and Nelson were both right. I could've ended the ordeal that day. I could've squared my shoulders, stood tall, and explained to the principal everything that Stacie had done to me and made me do to others. I had proof, tangible proof. I had Janessa and Dean to back me up for whatever that was worth. I had-

My brain short circuited, honing in on a memory from earlier in the day.

Dean mouthed "Stacie, bottom right drawer."

Dean had something on Stacie. Even when he was being taken away from the school, from Janessa, he remembered to help me.

Suddenly, I remembered where I was. I remembered that I was standing midway up the stairs, tears staining my face, my grip tight on the railing. Nelson was staring up at me, inquiring as to my sanity with his eyes. Even if Janessa hated me- no, even if the whole school hated me, I had to find out what was in that drawer. We had been building a case against Stacie for so long. I had been envisioning my revenge for so freaking long, and it was hiding just out of my reach. But I wasn't just doing it for myself anymore. I was doing it for Janessa, sobbing as Stacie played a video of her bent over a desk. I was doing it for Nelson, for the picture I placed for everyone to see. I was doing it because August and Kalila vowed to help me.

August.

Another tear slid down my cheek.

He was the one person I couldn't tell, and I wasn't sure what that meant. I just knew that he hated me because I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell him the truth and I had lost his support. I wasn't sure if I could do it without him. I wasn't sure that I wanted to continue on the journey without him. He tried to get closer to Nina for me. He risked hours of sanity for me. He answered the phone in the middle of the night for me.

He told me his secret, and I couldn't tell him mine.

"Tomorrow," I started, testing my voice to see if it would crack. The world came back into view once again. "Tomorrow, I have to break into De- Mr. Henderson's office. I want you to help me. You might think I'm a coward, or just stupid. But Nelson, I have to make this right."

He shook his head. "I can't help you anymore. After today, I don't know what to think. Of you. Of your enemies. But I don't want to be involved anymore."

"Nel, wait! Please."

As my last supporter walked away, I knew that I was beyond repair. I knew, without a doubt, that no one would support me anymore. I knew that I had to break into that office all by myself.