The Blackmail Dilemma

Dare Me To Be The Bigger Person

I didn't like Nina. Not anymore. Not after everything that happened between me, her, and Stacie. But I felt sorry for her, and that's why I had her in the passenger seat of my car, sobbing, drunk, and overall looking a mess.

"I-I'm so sorry," she hiccuped, nursing her face. There was a bruise on her left cheek. Her eye was swollen.

"I can't say I'll accept your apology," I responded calmly, hands gripping the wheel tighly, eyes super focused on the road ahead. "Not after everything that happened. Not after all the history between us. But I feel sorry for you."

Time passed in silence. Neither of us dared to speak. I didn't even have the radio on to break the silence. Just the sound of the car, the road rushing by. There were very few cars on the road this late at night, or early in the morning. I didn't know how to feel. One part of me really hurt for Nina, to see her like this. We were close once, like sisters even. But now, I learned that some people weren't good for each other. Nina and I had our own demons, our own reasons for being trapped into a friendship with Stacie. But that didn't answer my most burning question.

"Why me?"

She turned her head to look at me. I saw her teary eyed out of the corner of my vision. "What?" The word came out so softly, I wondered if she had even spoke.

"Why didn't she have you doing all her dirty work? Why weren't you blackmailing people, posting things in lockers? Why did it have to be me, if she had a reason to blackmail us both?"

Silence. I really didn't expect her to answer.

"Because she wanted a friend. That was my role. She wanted a friend, and she had to blackmail someone into being her friend. But you, it was different. She already had me, she told me. She just needed someone to do her dirty work. So, to protect myself, my reputation, and my mother, I went along with what she did to you. And I truly feel terrible about it."

"You're not the only one," I muttered. She wasn't the only one who felt terrible about the situation. It had barely happened to her. But my whole life was changed. I had this for poking anxiety that followed me whenever I went. It was terrible. It hurt like hell. And in the end, I had found real people who cared, but I had just pushed them away.

"I want to try again. You. Me. No Stacie."

"So you're gonna do it? You're gonna reveal your secret tomorrow?" I looked at the time. "Today. Later today." It was Monday. The day I had been dreading.

"Yes. And then we can start over? Right?"

"I'm not sure," I said. "I don't really know how I feel about that right now. How I feel about you right now."

I had rested my right hand on the gear shift. She placed her smaller hand over mine. "Please, Kiley. After today, who will I have? Look at my face! Who do you think did this to me?"

"I don't know. One of your many boy toys?" I scoffed, jerking my hand away from hers. She couldn't combine our hurt. She didn't know what I felt every day. Anger rose inside me. She was pretty, confident, and outgoing. Boys would still be willing to look her way even after she announced her secret. No one liked me. Not until August. But even after the kiss, I wasn't too sure I could save whatever we had.

We came to a stop at a red light as she spoke. "But I want someone real. Someone true. I want a friend. I want a friend that actually likes me, not just for my body."

"And I want to not have such bad anxiety. Maybe depression. Whatever else is happening in my messed up brain. I want to be normal. I want to be happy. Is that too much to ask?"