The Blackmail Dilemma

Dare Me To Be Helped

I did not know what to do when Stacie approached me later in the school day. The final bell was preparing to ring, and she and Nina had been in their own world for the whole day. I just couldn't stop thinking about Nina and August, and the plan, and what Stacie was doing in that office. So, when I saw her, face to face, I just kind of blanked.

Stacie laid her pretty little journal in front of me. I could feel my stomach churning, but I could also feel anger rising inside of me. Was it the same as last time; blackmail the math teacher? Or was it something different this time, something more sinister than she'd ever asked me to do before? I wouldn't know until I indulged her and opened it.

She didn't have to say a word. She just stared at me, pretty nails tapping against my desk. Nina was nowhere to be seen. I slowly opened the journal to the page with a sticky note on it. It read, plain and simple; blackmail that math teacher tonight. If my grade isn't better by morning, I'm telling the world. You're becoming worthless. We can't have that.

I felt like the breath was knocked out of me. Scenes from that day flashed back into my mind. I stood, right in the middle of my last period study hall, and slammed the journal shut. The usual panic settled in, my anxiety battling my mind, feeding it worry and fear. I tried to shove it deep, deep down into a place I could never find it again.

"Fuck you."

She stared at me. She blinked. She laughed. "Are you going to do it or not, you stupid girl?"

Quite a few heads had turned in our direction, but the room was so big and noisy that many were still engrossed in their own world.

"I'll do it," I said, "but this needs to stop. I'm tired of fighting you. I'm tired of doing your dirty work behind the scenes." A plan was spreading in my mind. The best way to find out what she was doing in that office was to get her to tell me herself. "I want you to let me in."

She shook her head, a smirk on her face. "Why would I do that? Why would I trust someone like you? What if you do to me what you did to Dam-"

"Don't! Don't say his name!" I screamed. I knew more heads were turning towards me, but I didn't care at this point. My panic was escalating. I couldn't breath. My mind was screaming for me to run and run until I had to stop.

"Then learn your place, bitch," she sneered. "You've been playing games. You've been talking back. I don't need a loose thread." Her emerald eyes pierced through me, narrowed nearly into slits.

I wanted to grab my bag and run. I wanted to scream and cry until God decided to take pity on my soul. Instead, I calmly sat back in my seat. The teacher was walking over to check on us. I took in a deep breath, trying to keep my cool. I had to play my part right then. Afterwards, it would be an all out war. I needed to keep Stacie close, I realized, so I could take her down. I had to be complacent to earn her trust.

Stacie grabbed her notebook and left without another word. The teacher's words barely registered, but I waved her off. It wasn't like a teacher could help me. It wasn't like anyone could help me, but me.

When I got home that day, I made a decision. Dad was home in his office, and my brother ran upstairs to be alone. I took a deep breath, walked over to the office door, and knocked.

"Come in!"

I entered, gently closing the door behind me. Dad sat at his desk, his back turned to me. He was deep in paperwork, his laptop open to a disorganized Word document. He barely turned to acknowledge my presence, busy mumbling to himself about a nearing deadline.

"Dad, I need to talk to you," I mumbled, fidgeting with my hands. I was nervous, and I didn't know how this would go. I knew he would be happy that I suggested this, but I didn't know how I would like it. I just knew that it had to come to this.

"Hmm, I'm listening Ky."

I walked over to his desk and gently closed his laptop. He kept fidgeting with the papers, so I brushed them to the side; they were already a jumbled mess either way.

"No, Dad, I need you to really listen right now, okay?"

He nodded, folding his hands in his lap. His brow was creased in concern, and his dad sense was going off. He could probably see the distress written on my face.

"I want to see the therapist again."

He stared at me, then slowly broke into a grin. "So, you're ready to be helped?"
"Yeah."

He stood and embraced me. "All I've ever wanted is to help you and your brother. I knew I couldn't make you help yourself, but I'm glad you're choosing to."

"Thanks, Dad," I said against his shoulder. "I just want to make things better." I wanted things to be better for him. For Nel. For everyone, not just me. Before I could truly help the others, I needed to help myself.

He released me, and I stood, waiting for him to ask why I'd changed my mind about therapists. I waited for him to ask what was wrong, or how I was feeling. Instead, he asked, "When do you want me to make the appointment for?"

"After school tomorrow?"

He gave me a thumbs up. "I love talking to you, but I really need to get this done."

I muttered an 'okay' and exited his office. Once the door was shut, I gulped in a deep breath. My anxiety would not win; I would. Once I could conquer my own mind, I could conquer my enemies.

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Short chapter, but I honestly think it's important. :)

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-Sarah