The Blackmail Dilemma

Dare Me To Be Friends

The next morning at school, Kalila and Janessa were waiting by my locker. I felt confused seeing the two of them together, but I didn't question it. I just nodded a hello and opened my locker, switching out my books and slamming it shut. I felt a lot better thanks to the therapist, but I still couldn't help remembering that Janessa knew. That I'd been betrayed.

         "Hey," Janessa said softly, as if scared I would break.

         I turned and leaned against my locker, my backpack a cushion between my back and the metal. "Hi."

       Kalila raised an eyebrow, looking between the two of us. I was thankful Janessa hadn't told her (at least, it seemed like she hadn't), but I knew that I had to tell her and August as soon as possible. Not because they were dealing with a horrible person as their friend, but because I had to find the courage to tell the people closest to me. I had to tell my brother, too. If anyone deserved to know, it was Nel. He deserved to know why I posted that picture on his locker; that I was a coward, broken and bruised, but I don't want to be that person anymore.

        I didn't want to be a coward anymore.

        "I didn't tell Kalila anything, but we're all on the same team here. I just told her that maybe you need her support now more than ever."

        I offered a nod. I appreciated her concern. I never thought that I would consider Janessa a friend, but I thought that I was starting to.

      "Sushi? Just us girls this time?" Kalila offered.

      "For lunch?"

       "We could go now." Janessa.

        Kaila shrugged. The three of us looked around the hallway, which featured a few stragglers rushing to class before the final bell, which rang shrill in our ears as we stood still.

       We all walked back out of the school. No one stopped us, not like we really cared anymore. I lead them to my car and Kalila called shotgun before hopping into the front seat with a smug grin. Janessa let out a huff, then a laugh before jumping in the back seat (literally). I smiled softly to myself as I buckled my seatbelt and started the vehicle.

         The ride to the familiar sushi restaurant was short, even shorter than at lunch due to the lack of significant traffic. The whole ride over, Janessa filled us in on the plan for a school pep rally at the end of the day (which she wanted to ditch, and I didn't blame her) that she learned about from Dean. Kalila and her complained about our school's lame excuse for pep as I found a parking spot. I little anxiety rose in my chest as I thought about telling everything to Kalila, and later August and Nel, but I understood it had to be done.

          I. Wasn't. A Coward.

        We walked into Susanna's sushi like that was, in fact, where we were meant to be instead of school. And maybe it was because God worked in mysterious ways.

        God. Hadn't thought about Him in a while. Had He wanted me to go to the therapist? Maybe. To get this plight off my chest? Possibly. To make some genuine friends? I had to hope so.

        A smiling hostess greeted us and took us back to the long glass bar. We each received the same tan, lamented menu as last time. Kalila sat to my right, not even glancing at the menu, and Janessa to my left, scanning it like her life depended on it.

      "Hey, you good?"

      I looked at Kalila, at the one person who saw me being a jerk because I was a coward and wanted to befriend me instead of yell at me, and shook my head. Because I wasn't okay, and I didn't know when I would fully be okay. I just knew that I had to decide to get better, be better, and live better.