The Blackmail Dilemma

Dare Me to Get In Trouble

I sat on the bench outside of school because I couldn't face going inside. Anxiety rose to a crescendo inside of my chest and I found it difficult to breath. My lungs fought against the panic rising inside of me. My hands clenched into fists so hard that I felt my nails draw blood from my palms. Sure enough, when I unclenched my hands, crimson ran down to my wrist.

Standing, I wiped my palms on my jeans. The bell was close to ringing, and a few students were rushing into the building last minute. I couldn't catch my breath. It felt like my lungs were running a marathon while the rest of me was held hostage. I walked into the building on shaking legs.

I saw Stacie first. She stood in the middle of an eager crowd. Her golden hair stood out the most, falling to her shoulders in perfect waves. Her green eyes glowed, but narrowed when they caught sight of me. Nonetheless, she waved me over, plastering a sickening smile on her perfect heart-shaped face.

"Kiley, I thought you would be late, dear," she said, wrapping an arm around my own.

"Ha, no, I can't stand to be late another time," I told her, trying to calm the storm inside me.

"You didn't forget, did you?" She asked, dragging me to my locker.

I shook my head while spinning my combination. After I opened my locker, I stuffed a few things into my bag. I took my time, trying to focus on the inside of my locker rather than her. Finally, I closed it carefully and turned to her. She began walking to class.

When we arrived in first period, Nina was sitting in the back. She waved to us, and we went to sit with her. Stacie sat in the middle of us, just like always. Nina, the Latina with flowing brown hair, deep brown eyes, and perfect cheekbones turned to talk to her boyfriend of the week. She completed our trio of friends.

The teacher began taking attendance. By now, I had forced myself to calm down. Stacie turned to me with an almost sympathetic look.

"You okay?"

I nodded.

She pulled a sparkly notebook out of her bag and slid it over to me. "Here. I wrote it all out for you, okay?"

I wordlessly took the notebook and flipped it to the page last written on. In purple ink, Stacie had sloppily written her plan for today. She wanted me to make a scene in front of the class. My heart sunk to my stomach, but I remembered I deserved this. I remembered I needed to help my remaining friends. I recalled that they weren't doing this to hurt me. Right?

I hated bringing unnecessary attention to myself. Stacie just wanted me to call out the teacher because she couldn't. I was just doing her a favor, right? I took a deep breath and skimmed through the notes, To anyone else, it would be difficult to read her handwriting. To me, it was easy. It was almost as familiar to me as my own.

The teacher began passing out the tests from last week. Stacie sat with her hands resting on her lap and one leg crossed over the other. She wore a confident smirk, her head titled to the side as she watched Mrs. Kelson hand out the papers. The thirty-something year-old woman took her time walking through the rows.

Nina was too occupied with her newest boyfriend to pay attention. No one was paying attention to me, but they would if they knew. I bit my lip so I wouldn't start hyperventilating. Mrs. Kelson finally stood in front of me. She dropped my paper in front of me, and I wasn't surprised to see I had gotten a B. Not my best work, but it was difficult to concentrate on studying. It was pretty difficult to focus on anything.

Stacie made a noise, and I knew it was time for me to speak up. I flipped the notebook shut and opened my mouth to speak. My mouth opened and closed like a fish until a found my voice.

"Do you treat your own kids like this?" I spoke. I was so practiced in pretending to be someone I wasn't that my voice didn't even shake. I didn't even flinch, yet my heart thundered against my ribcage.

The teacher whipped around, and I instantly felt horrible. I didn't let it show.

"Excuse me?" She asked. She didn't say it rudely, but like she was genuinely curious why I said what I said. Sometimes, I was, too.

"Are you so annoying with your kids?" I retorted, practicing the tone Stacie had taught me. "Your tests are stupid and your lectures are boring."

I saw Stacie's smirk widening out of the corner of my eye.

She stared at me for a moment. "You know that's disrespectful, Kiley."

I knew it, but I couldn't stop. I couldn't, or Stacie would let the whole class know my deepest, darkest secret. Usually, the things she made me do weren't ones I got caught for. They also weren't ones I spoke in the middle of class.

"I know what I said."

She huffed. "Then you know the way out of the door?"

I followed her out of the classroom. I tried to tune out everything she was saying while my breathing became shallow all over again. Sometimes, I really wanted to hate Stacie and Nina, but I knew I couldn't. I knew that they were all I had left, and they were the only people who would stay with me knowing my secret.

I felt like I couldn't breath until the teacher let me back into the classroom. I took my seat while people whispered. The teacher began the lecture for the day, and my head wouldn't clear. I. Couldn't. Breathe. Stacie patted my shoulder and silently told me I did good. Did I really?

Her touch felt like fire. Everything felt like it was on fire. Heck, the world seemed to be bursting with flames.

The rest of the class was torture, but I managed to calm myself down. When we walked into the hallway, Nina and Stacie flanked me. Nina had her boyfriend on her other side. They wouldn't stop talking, and my head wouldn't stop pounding.

"That was so cool, Kiley," Nina said, smiling. She walked with a confidence that I wished I had.

I just nodded at her.

Nina waved goodbye to us and walked off with her boyfriend. I watched with go as Stacie talked my ear off about her newest article for the school newspaper, which she ran.

I just wanted to go home. Yet, I walked beside Stacie until she ran out of things to talk about and wandered to her next class, which I didn't have with her. I started walking to my own when my brother stopped me, arms crossed over his chest.

"What is wrong with you?" He asked, fuming.

I stared into his dark blue eyes, which we shared. He hated the person I had become, and so did I. I couldn't tell him what I did. Only my dad and my two friends knew, and I wanted to keep it that way. I loved my brother, but he didn't need to know the sick, twisted person I had become. If he thought I was bad now, he was in for a shock. Then again, I planned for him to never find out the truth.

"What are you talking about?" I said innocently.

He rolled his eyes. The warning bell rang, and straggling students turned their eyes our way.

"You need to stop disrespecting people! You yelled at a teacher again!" He practically yelled.

Great. The whole school already knew. "Look, Nel, she deserved it. You need to chill out."

He shook his head. "I'm tired of hearing my sister is a rebel from other people!"

"You don't need to worry about me. Stop acting like you're the older one!" I hissed. I so badly wanted to tell him everything that was going on, but I couldn't. I turned away before he could see any cracks in my armor.

Instead of going to my next class, I detoured to the bathroom. It was empty, and I leaned against the door as a tear slipped down my cheek. It was all too much for my anxiety. It was all too much for me, but this was the me I had to be. I hated who I was, but there was nothing I could do about it.

____

Sooo, thoughts? Should I continue?

-Sarah