The Blackmail Dilemma

Dare Me To Fly

Showing August the weakest part of myself was oddly relaxing. It was like I could let go of some of my anxiety, knowing that I had someone there beside me. Being alone in my suffering was something I tried to force upon myself, and it honestly took a huge toll on me. I couldn't stand it sometimes, but there was no one I would allow to see me in my weakest times.

"Kiley?" His voice was a small whisper, almost like he didn't want to disturb me if I was still lost in my own thoughts.

I swifted away from his chest, turning so we were face to face. I never noticed the little dot next to his nose.

"I'm sorry for falling apart," I finally said. "But, truthfully, I can't  help it. Thank you for helping me. For staying with me."

"What else would I do?" He answered. "Should I belittle you for something you can't control?"

Honestly, I was not sure what someone should've done with a person like me. I wasn't  sure how I should've handled myself. I was a mess, inside and out, and I knew that I'd refused to help myself for so long. I felt heat behind my eyes, and I cursed internally. No, I refused to cry. I didn't want to look like even more of a mess in front of August. He had been through so much for me already. I didn't want to drag him into my mess of emotions.

August stood and held out a hand for me. I took it, and he helped hoist me up. At first, I was a bit unsteady on my feet, but I steadied myself, finally letting go of his hand. I then found myself surveying my surroundings, scared someone else could've been eavesdropping. As much as I hated to admit it, people still unnerved me; their opinions, their words. Most of all, Stacie bothered me. But it wasn't just about me anymore. It was about August and Kalila getting involved in a mess they didn't even know about.

August turned to walk back into the school, but I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for him to leave me alone. I wasn't ready to go back into a school of monsters.

"Do we have to go back?" I whispered. My voice sounded broken, cracking on the last word.

He turned around with a sly smile. "I was going to go get my stuff from my locker."

"What about Kalila? Will she come with us?"

He shook his head. "She has a major test."

It'd just be us. While I was sad that Kalila couldn't join us, a part of me wanted more alone time with August. I really wasn't sure what.

I let August drive me in his vehicle, not trusting myself to operate a motor vehicle with my current anxiety levels. Oh the way, I texted Janessa. I wasn't sure why I did it. It wasn't like I approved of her sleeping around with teachers. It wasn't like we were even acquaintances. But I knew, deep down, that I had to tell someone. I couldn't just blackmail this teacher without a second thought. Because deep down, I knew I was a monster for going along with what Stacie did. I knew I was just trying to protect myself.

Maybe I still couldn't just release the demon. I was still terrified of the consequences, and the details of that day still haunted me in my sleep. At least once a day, when I closed my eyes, I could see it happening all over again.

A year of letting Stacie push me around. A whole year of anxiety, of being forced to see a therapist, and of helping Stacie climb the social ladder. As the school's news reporter, she knew everything. She used that to her advantage.

This time, she wouldn't know everything. She wouldn't see her downfall coming. Nina was going to play right into August's hands, and she was going to fall. Hard. Stacie spent so long making me a monster, and if that's what she wanted me to be, so be it.

"Do you still remember how to talk over there?"

I leaned my head back against the headrest. "Of course I do."

The vehicle stopped. I hadn't even been paying attention to where we were going. If he had lured me out to the middle of nowhere and my phone died, I'd have no clue how to get back to civilization.

Not that it mattered. I'd come to trust him. A bit at a time, I was starting to trust more and more, and it felt nice.

"Are we going to skip town?" I asked him. Looking up, I realized we were in front of the airport. Well, not in front. We were parked on a little road behind the runway. The only thing between us and the planes was a large, metal gate that cautioned us to keep out.

He shook his head, then killed the engine. "Whenever I'd come to visit the States from Australia, my grandfather would take me to watch the planes. It was so relaxing. My grandmother loved it, too."

He had a look in his eye; one that said this was special to him. His eyes looked a little glassy as well.

"So, you've been to the States before?"

He nodded. "My grandparents live here, and so do Kalila and her family. The grandparents we share live here, I mean. My mom used to live in the States, but she moved to Australia with my dad, where I was born. Every few years, we'd fly back over here. We'd always talk to them on the phone, too."

Looking out window in the door, I could see grass swaying in the breeze before I saw more fence and behind it, more runway. Straight ahead, a plane sped down the runway, the speed increasing and increasing into it began to lift off the ground. Soon, it was wholly in the air, going higher and higher with the nose pointed towards the clouds. It was relaxing. We weren't the only ones there, either. There were more cars lined up and down the tiny road.

Turning back to August, a part of me wondered why he'd come to the States permanently. But that felt like a question for another time. "So, why bring me here if it's so special?"

Heat rose to his cheeks, and he faced forward. "When I was diagnosed with anxiety, I was pretty young. My grandma said the planes made her feel better, and she hoped it would work for me, too. So, I hope it helps you. Sometimes, I like to imagine my worries are the planes, going higher and higher, farther and farther away from me, until I can no longer see them."

I should've realized he had anxiety. He'd hinted at it, but I never really caught on. "I guess you understand more than I thought."

"Yeah. I guess."

I looked down at my phone, checking the time. It wasn't even time for lunch back at the school. "We should go back after lunch."

"Okay."

And that was the last word spoken for a few hours. I did what he said; I imagined Stacie, Nina, my anxiety, and that stupid person boarding a plane. I watched as the plane took off, got farther and farther away, until I couldn't see it anymore.

------

I love the last part of this chapter.

Here's an early New Year's present. I actually updated. Yayyyy. I know you all really like this book, and I'm trying to make it the best I can! I actually watched a high school related movie, and that got me in the mood. It's kind of funny, I go to high school every day (almost), and it usually inspires me to take a nap.

Anyway, thoughts on the chapter?

-Sarah