Only You

Chapter 8- Dakota

He continued to show up at least once a day for the next 3 weeks as I recovered. &... it was nice... though I never felt like I was deserving of that kind of attention... he seemed like he enjoyed coming back... & I did too... It was nice to have company...

We learned more & more about each other as the days went by, & I found myself wanting to spend more & more time with him. Sometimes he would only visit once a day because he was loaded at work, & I kept waiting for him... Even when it was just a nurse bringing me my meals, I would still look up, hoping it was him.

On days he was particularly swamped, he might not finish until late, by about 6 pm, but past visiting hours nonetheless... & he might send me a text... Something adorable & apologetic, promising to come by in person soon, & he always did. He never broke his promises, & he showed up with a bright smile on his handsome face, or a new bouquet of jasmine flowers whenever my old ones started to wilt.

&... by & large, I realized... He was a comfort to me... I trusted him... I could depend on him... I... really liked him... Which was both scary & exciting.

It was new to me, I hadn't loved in a while &... I don't think it'd ever felt like this before... Like something... fragile & permanent all at the same time? Like something I could see myself building a life around, but would disappear if I didn't catch it while I could...

My offer for coffee still stood, but we had yet to take the opportunity. I was still recovering... I had to wait until the bruising eased up more before I could walk again without worrying about it...

They didn't want to put me on strong medicine as I was already taking meds for my anxiety & depression, which... Didn't counteract with the pain meds... But it was better to be safe than sorry, & they didn't want me to get addicted to the pain meds. Strong ones could be really hard to get off of, especially when you take them consistently over longer periods of time. Meaning... I had to limit my movements to limit the pain.

Meaning... Rain & I hadn't really gone on an official date yet... I mean... sometimes I would catch something where... I thought he liked me... & he had said that he did before... But we hadn't used the "L" word before &... Could you really be sure?

I don't know... It was probably just me & my anxious self just 2nd guessing everything again (or more like quadruple-guessing, am I right?)... I'm sure Rain was a great guy but... Maybe that was the problem... I couldn't see how a guy like him could ever go for a guy like me... Sometimes I didn't know if I was even worth it... Sometimes I almost started to believe that he thought that I was...

I had been meaning to get better at that... How I talk to myself... But sometimes... It's so hard to keep track of what you're actually saying... Sometimes it isn't even something you say as a conscious thought but... more of a feeling...

But... it did seem to get better with Rain there... I wanted to get better...

Hope you guys liked this chapter. I put a lot of thought into it. I like to write characters with mental disorders like me (someone w depression/GAD) bc I feel like sometimes it's hard for us to have someone to relate to, & it's hard for me to write characters who don't have anxious thoughts sometimes bc I have to live with mine all the time... Sorry if it feels like all of my characters are like this, I'm just trying to add some depth & some characters that maybe other people can relate to too? Sorry if that didn't make any sense, I've never been known for making sense, tbh... I'll see you guys later :)