I will always love you <3

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟎

Natalie's POV:

We enter his apartment, and I see a bed of red roses lying on the floor. They're in a heart shape, even with candles lined up around them. I smile at the sight of it, as Crockett takes my jacket and purse. I turn to him, wanting to ask what all this is, but nothing comes out of my mouth. "Ok, ok, stand there, and close your eyes" he says, as he leads me to a certain spot. I feel somewhat nervous, as I'm scared that he'll ask something, to which I have no answer. I put my hands over my eyes, giggling, wondering what his 'surprise' is. I hear some shuffling, and shortly after that I hear a soft "open your eyes", and I open my eyes.

Even though I didn't have my eyes closed for that long, I need to sharpen my vision, only to see Crockett on one knee.

I try and say something, but I just stammer, and he starts talking. "Look, I know we've only known each other for 2 years, and I haven't even met your son, but, Nat, I truly love you. You have made me happier than ever, and I want to make you as happy as I feel. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So... will you marry me?".

My mind starts racing, thinking about impulsive decision I used to make, and how badly they would turn out, until I realise that I'm just staring at Crockett. I can see that he is somewhat dissappointed, confused really, and I try and bring something out. 

"I- uhm, I-, Ok, Crockett," I say as I take his hands, leading him up from his knee, "I love you, but- I just, I've made impulsive decisions before, and they always turned out bad-" but he cuts me off. "But it's not impulsive, right?" he ask dissappointed, "Well, it is, to me" I say, trying to be as nice as possible. "Look, I love you, and I do want to raise a child with you, and I probably want to marry you too, just- just not now" I say, and I squeeze his hands.

Crockett lets go of my hands, clearly deeply dissappointed, but I chose what was best for myself. He sighs, and turns away, and starts to clean up the roses and candles. I kneel down to help him, but he just puts his hand up and laughs sarcastically "it's ok, I'll clean it up, you get some rest". 

I take a deep breath, and stand up. Whilst walking towards the coat rack, I say "I'm going back to my apartment, I'll see you tomorrow, ok?", as I take my jacket. I hear some mumbling as I walk out the door, but I choose to ignore it, and I close the door. 

Once I'm outside, I smell the Chicago breeze, as tears start to collect themselves in my eyes. I feel terrible, but I try and make myself feel better with the thought, that I did this for me, for Owen, and the baby. Sadly enough, I still feel guilty, especially because of what he said, while proposing to me. 'You've made me happier than ever'. That sentence hit me. I felt really happy hearing that he felt happy again, and it made me feel as if I was breaking throught that happiness. I walk to the side of the road and call for a cab. The entire ride home, even while I'm trying to fall asleep, that one sentence keeps repeating itself in my head.

The next day

I walk towards the break room, with my head tilted downwards, so I don't notice Maggie walking towards me. She notices that I'm sad, in a way, and puts her hand on my shoulder. I startle, and she looks at me worried "You ok? You look really down..." she says. "I, I don't really want to talk about it yet" I say. "Ok, well, let me know if you need anything" she says in a sweet voice. I try my best to smile, and open the door to the break room.

A few hours later

I look on my watch, and see that it's almost time for my break. I walk to Maggie, and ask "Hey, is it alright with you if I take my break a few minutes early? I had some difficult patients. Oh, and have you seen Crockett?", "Yeah, of course you can take your break early, no problem. And I'm pretty sure that he had to fill a gap, so he's on the night shift tonight" she says with an empathetic smile. I then realise that that was what Crockett mumbled last night, and walk to the break room.

I take out some sandwiches I made, and sit down at the table. I open my phone, but I just stare at my screen. Before I realise it, my eyes start filling with tears again, and I turn my head so no one sees it. I try and contain my sobs, wiping away my tears, but nothing seems to stop it. I hear the door opening, and I try, I try so hard to stop, until I see that it's Maggie. She walks over to me, and just hugs me, and I cry onto her shoulder. She cradles me for a few minutes, until my eyes are empty, and then looks at me. "What happened?" she asks. "He-" I sigh "Crockett proposed yesterday night".

Maggie looks a little surprised, but soon enough her expression turns a bit sad, "it didn't work out, did it?" she asks. "No, it didn't, but it's just what is best for me, and I have no idea why I feel so bad. It's, I mean, it's my decision, right?" I ask really unsure. "Yeah, yes, of course!" Maggie says, and hugs me again. "You know what, you go home earlier tonight, make yourself a nice night, and I'll get someone to cover for you, alright?" Maggie says. "Thanks, Mags, but that's ok, I'll be fine" I say, and smile.