I will always love you <3

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟐𝟖

Crockett's POV:

"Maya" Natalie says. "Can I-" I start, "can I hold her?" I ask hesitantly. Natalie takes one more look at her, then at me and nods, "Of course" she says, and Maggie takes Maya from Nat's arms and hands her to me. As I'm looking at her little nose, her little face, her fingers, completely oblivious of how horrible the world can be, with tears in my eyes, I ask Natalie "Ho-how are you feeling?" not taking my eyes off Maya. "I'm okay" she says, in a slightly raspy voice, also not taking her eyes off Maya. Maggie walks to me "Ok, you two lovebirds, I gotta take her back, she's gonna need some food, alright?" she says with a smile, and very gently takes Maya from my arms. It already feels hard to let her go, but I know it's for the best. 

Natalie follows Maggie and our baby out of the room, and I try and wheel a little closer to the bed. To my complete surprise, doctor Archer is still in the room, and pushes me towards Natalie. "You two have a beautiful daughter, congratulations" he says with a grin, and leaves us two alone.

Gratefully, I am right besides Natalie's bed. I reach over and grab both her hands in mine, tears blurring my vision again. I clear my throat and squeeze her hands. She looks at me a little confused, and I don't even know where to start, so I just blurt it out.

"I'm sorry" I say and look down, tears dropping on the floor, "I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry, I-", "Hey, hey, it's ok" she lifts my face up, "it's okay, Crockett, we're okay, alright?". "No, but I should have seen it, I should have- I should not have driven-" she cuts me off again, "Crockett, look at me. It's not your fault. It is not your fault. I don't believe it now, and I won't ever believe it in the future. It was just bad luck" she says and gives me a pitiful smile.

I scoff, bad idea again thanks to my broken ribs, and Natalie raises her eyebrows. "You don't believe me?" she says slightly sassy. "No, no I do-" I stutter, "Then leave it. Crockett. Drop it." she says and strokes my cheek.

"I can't" I say, sniffing and drying my tears a little, "there were cops, and Will- you know what, never mind. You're right, I should drop it." I say and try my best to smile. "What- what do you mean, 'Will'?" she asks puzzled. "It's nothing, he was just- uh" I hear someone walking in, and I turn my head to see Will, "nice. He was just being nice." I let go of Natalie's hands.

"Hey guys" Will says with a smile, and goes to the other side of Natalie's bed. He puts his hand on her shoulder "how are you feeling? Any nausea, or pain, anything?" he asks as his face turns serious. "No, no, I'm fine, thanks, no need to worry, I have everything I need." she says and puts her hand on his. I watch them make sure of each other, in slight agony, thinking for a split second she would be better off without me. I blink for some reason, to try and get the thought out of my head, but it's still in the background.

"Where's the little one?" Will asks, looking around the room for a crib. "Oh, Maggie took her back to the nursing room, said she'd feed her." Will looks at me surprised because I finally talked since he came in. "Right, of course, how didn't I think of that. Anything I can get you two? Some ice chips, ice cream perhaps?" he asks politely. "No thanks Will, but that's sweet, I'll for sure keep that question in my mind" Natalie says. Will turns to me, and I simply shake my head, "Thanks" I say in a silent voice. "Alright, well, then, I'll check up on you later Nat, ok? Make sure you and the baby are ok" he says, smiles again, and walks away, leaving the room quiet. 

"Hey, if you don't mind, I'm gonna take a little nap, ok?" Natalie asks sweetly, and strokes my hand. "Oh yeah, for sure, you do you" I say, "I'll just stay here, by your side, in case you need anything". "You don't have to Crockett. I'm sure you're just as tired, you should go to your room. Besides, if I need anything, I can just go ask a nurse." she says. "Yeah, true, but I want to make sure, personally" I smile, "don't feel like having to rely on other people, especially if they just say 'oh I think she's ok, I'll check on her in a second' and then they don't" I say in a mocking voice, which makes us both laugh. "Ow" she clutches her stomach, and I look at her worried. "It's fine. It lightened up the situation, but it hurt, didn't it hurt you?" she asks. I nod slowly, "Yeah, but it's completely worth it if it makes you smile, or beter yet laugh" now it's my turn to grab her face. She smiles and leans her head onto my hand, as she closes her eyes. I notice her falling asleep, so I carefully put her head back on the pillow, and roll backwards a bit, leaning back in the wheelchair.

Doctor Patchefsky and a nurse walk in with Maya, and go quiet once they see that Nat is sleeping. Patchefsky turns to me "How long has she been down?" she whispers. "Uh, not long, couple of minutes I'd say, I don't have a watch or phone and there's no clock here-" I say, "Alright, it's not problem, I just wanted to check on her and the incision, but I can do that later" she says and gives me a smile. Just as the nurse is about to put Maya back in her crib, I ask "Could I maybe hold her?" looking back and forth between doctor Patchefsky and Maya. "Oh, yeah, of course, no problem" and she waves to the nurse to me, "I just thought you were going to go back to your room soon" she looks at me a little puzzled, "uh no, no, I want to stay here, with her- with them both" I say steadfast. "Okay, that's fine, it's just, you look pretty tired, and your day also hasn't been easy-", "I'm fine!" I snap at her. 

She looks at me pretty stunned, and I sigh, "I'm sorry," I look at her, "I know you're just trying to help, but really, no need to worry, I'm alright, thank you doctor Patchefsky" I say in a quiet and guilty voice. "Very well, page someone if you need anything" she says, but before she leaves I speak again, "Can I hold her? Maya?" I ask. "Sure," she waves the nurse and takes the crib to me as well, "just be careful when you put her down again". I nod grateful and give her a polite smile.