love, or the lack thereof (p. davidson)

three

What the fuck kind of force brought me back here?

I was sitting in my car in the parking lot of the therapists office. I told myself I wasn't coming back to this hell but somehow I find myself here.

No one forced me. No one begged. So why did I come? I honestly couldn't tell you. Maybe I was feeling guilty. For what? I don't know. But maybe I was feeling guilty for worrying my friends.

I sighed hitting my repeatedly against the steering wheel trying to find some excuse so I wouldn't have go in. But I had already made the 30 minute drive here, so there wasn't any point in turning around now.

Looking down at my phone that rested on my lap I saw I was 10 minutes early for the appointment time Gretchen set up and had sent me in an email.

Not only did I come here but I was early. What the fuck was going on with me?

Deciding to just get everything over with, I opened my car door slowly stepping out of the car and walking towards the front doors of the office.

Holding the door handle I took a deep breath pulling my hood over my head before pulling the door open.

Gretchen's door to her office wasn't open meaning she was still with someone or she was doing other work before my appointment.

Keeping my head down to avoid unwanted eye contact from any strangers who may have witnessed my yelling after last week claiming I wasn't coming back, I sat down in one of the many chairs for waiting people. I hated that I was one of them.

Taking my phone out of my sweatshirt pocket I scrolled mindlessly secretly hoping Gretchen would forget she even had this appointment in the first place.

Suddenly I felt a foot kick my own causing me to jolt forward resulting in dropping my phone. Sighing out of annoyance I bent over in my chair grabbing my phone.

Looking back down at it I felt another kick to my foot. Finally looking up I had to take a double take at who was sitting across from me.

Pete?

"So she remembers?" He said smirking.

Did I say that out loud. Shit.

"Don't flatter yourself, it's hard to forget the creeps name who wouldn't leave my bedroom." I said rolling my eyes.

He only laughed at my comment looking down towards his shoes.

"What are you doing here?" I asked annoyed

Bringing his eyes back up to mine he laughed.

"The same reason your here... I've got my issues." He said pointing to his brain.

I had to keep myself from cracking a smile. I would be lying if I said his smirk wasn't cute. I would also be lying if I said that I didn't find him attractive. He was tall and lanky, pale skin, sunken in eyes with dark circles underneath, and disheveled brown hair. I shouldn't find Pete attractive but I find myself admiring his complexion.

"I don't know why I came here." I said more to myself before burying my head in my hands.

"Cause your fucked up and you need it." He said bluntly

Taking my face out of my hands I looked at him confused.

"Excuse me?" I questioned

He noticed my anger and immediately tried to take back what he had said. "Yo I was just kidding no need to go all wolverine on me."

He gave me a crooked smile to assure that he was joking.

"Sorry... I didn't have to time to smoke this morning so I'm kind of in a bad mood." I said frowning. Why was I apologizing to him?