Acquiesce

Chapter 50

Whenever Liam was supposed to be home, he was out acting nothing like he was a husband and a father. It was all my fault but it didn’t make it easier to be alone so much. I wanted him back. 

He always had a reason to be anywhere else. We only talked for moments at a time. When we were together he wouldn't look at me at all.

I had no idea how I was supposed to regain his trust or anything. I wished I could take it all back and go back to a time when we were happy. 

There was no one I could talk to, to help me figure out what to do. I didn't want to bring anyone else into this mess. No one knew the truth of what I'd done. Most people didn't know anything had happened at all. I had to wait it out and hope Liam would come around in his own time.

Christmas and New Year passed by with us pretending just enough when we were with our families. They didn't need to know we were on the edge of falling apart over a miscarriage I hadn't actually had. If anyone noticed something off about us, no one said anything, not to me anyway.

We both put it all aside for the twins and the rest of the family. Liam talked to me. We were happy and loving. Once the holidays were over all that was gone again.  

The twins had a good time with the family and their new toys which was all that mattered but it was exhausting trying to keep everything together but we would do anything for them. We needed to figure out how to move forward for them before they were old enough to understand anything about what was going on with their parents.

…  

One time I tried desperately to talk to him as he was leaving once again. “Please Liam. I should never have wanted kids. I've fucked up two marriages over wanting a bigger family.”

“You think our marriage is fucked?” he asked like I'd said it out of nowhere.

“I don't want it to be but we can only act like a family when we have to.”

“That's not true.”

“You won't stay home.”

“Everything reminds me of the baby or everything gets put into talking about Meg’s baby. It fucking hurts.”

“I'm hurting too. I need you, we need each other.”

“It's too hard to let it be real with you.”

“Liam, I can't ever have another baby. I need you to tell me that's okay because we don't want that and you love me anyway.” I told him as I started to cry.

He didn't say it. He said he couldn't think straight and he couldn't talk about it and walked out. He would rather be anywhere else. It was like he could only be in the house when he wanted to be with the twins, whenever that happened I left to avoid spoiling the mood for them.

As January went on everything became about when Meg was going to give birth. Waiting to find out the baby had arrived. It was difficult having so much attention going to Meg's pregnancy and Meg's baby after I'd torn my marriage apart but I wanted to be a good sister in law and a god aunty so I was excited about it or I wanted to be.

While we waited everything got more and more complicated between me and Liam if that was possible. We couldn't be around each other. Every time we saw each other I regretted my lie more and more. I just wanted to have what Meg has, just to believe I could have this and it would happen for us now it had been said.

I didn't think about what would happen after I said it. Maybe I was supposed to get my period and tell Liam the test I claimed I'd taken was wrong and it'd all be over but it didn't happen so it kept going until the accident and then it was too late to take it all back.