Acquiesce

Chapter 15

Enzo pointed out that it was December already, Christmas time! I couldn't believe time was going by so fast. I wasn't in the mood for it at all this year. I wasn't in the mood for anything. Time was flying by and I couldn't keep track.

"Are we getting the tree up yet?" he asked, attempting to get us both in the spirit.

I shrugged. "No, can't be arsed, your babies would get in the way and no one but us would see it anyway."

"You always do the tree every single year we've lived here, without fail."

"You've never cared before and I've got no energy for it. No way am I messing about with all that just to take it down "

"Well what are we doing then?"

"Probably the usual, just no tree."

"Do you want me to do it?"

"NO! Just piss off about the fucking tree." I barked at him. "Just stop going on about it!"

He held his hands up. "Alright."

"Sorry, I'm sorry. I shouldn't've shouted. If you want the tree and all the decorations, let's do it."

"We've only got 'til June." he commented.

He couldn't wait to have his children in his arms and no more pregnancy moods to deal with. I wished I could be sure I was giving him that.

"You'll have two crying babies to deal with then."

"They can be routined, your moods can't, you've been like the British weather." he joked.

...

I took Meg up on her offer, it took me a while but I needed to talk to someone. I didn't know if we'd get along, she liked Noel, she could be just like him for all I knew but she probably had interesting stuff to talk about, celebrity gossip, no time to talk about the twins.

The lads were gone, Meg said they were touring America, it was just us getting to know each other in peace.

"So how far along are you now?" she asked pretty much as soon as I got in Supernova Heights.

"Fifteen weeks but I'm not here to talk about them, I wanna be normal."

"Being pregnant is normal." she laughed. "If it's doing your head in, you've got a long journey ahead."

"I know it's just everyone, everyone wants to touch the bump and talk about the twins, day in and day out. It's like everything's changed already."

"It has though, it's not like you can pretend it isn't happening."

"Yeah, I mean they're not born yet. I just think everyone's acting like they are."

Of course I couldn't pretend and I couldn't forget, not when they were sat in front of me all day, every day, pressing against my organs but they didn't need so much attention, so soon.

"What happens if Liam is the father?"

I was a little taken aback by how quickly she'd gotten to that. "I get to raise twins on my own. There's no way Enzo would forgive me and I just couldn't ask him to."

I was under no illusion at all, if they were Liam's I would have to go it alone. Liam very clearly

"How did you even get involved with Liam?"

"I don't know. I just saw him, next thing we're on a date and he starts inviting me to stuff and we just kept seeing each other."

"What's it like, being with him?"

"You know if you're asking about Liam I can ask about Noel."

"Fine by me." she smiled, excited to hear what I had to say.

"You're on." I agreed. "He's charming, persistent, I don't know he's just different."

"I meant, you know... I know what he's like as a person."

"Oh well I kept coming back didn't I?" I shrugged. "What's Noel like as a person, he's never liked me so I don't know?"

I didn't know how to describe Liam like that especially to someone I hardly knew, he was worth coming back for otherwise I wouldn't be in this mess.

"He's shy, I know that sounds stupid but if he doesn't know you or trust you, he'll put on a massive front which makes him look like a dickhead and keeps everyone away, that's the Noel you know."

"How do I get on his good side then, since I might need to now?"

"I don't know, show him he can trust you."

"I've never done anything that would make him mistrust me."

"You got with his little brother."

I nodded, sort of getting how he'd treated me. "Surely I'm not the first girlfriend..."

"You were never really his girlfriend though, were you?"

"I might have been if I wasn't already married." I didn't mean to say that out loud, it was bad enough just thinking it.

She looked straight at me. "Do you love him?"

I couldn't say, I couldn't tell her. "I love my husband, Liam was a stupid fling that I shouldn't gotten involved in."

"But you did, that's gotta mean something. I'm just... if they're his, would you get with him?"

"He's made it very, very clear..."

"You just scared him, that's all. I know how he feels about you, that hasn't changed." she insisted. "So would you or not?

"In a perfect world we would be together and raise our twins together as a proper family but I know that's not reality, reality is I had casual sex with a celebrity and I'll have to deal with this alone because I'm not going to force Liam to do anything." I explained.

She tried to argue that he would come around but I just couldn't see it. He couldn't even look at me anymore and I didn't know if that life was what I'd want. I loved hanging out with Liam, having fun with him but being with him would be completely different.

...

Over Christmas all anyone wanted to talk about to us was the twins especially since we could find out the sexes soon so everyone were giving their opinions on that. It did nothing but remind me of how many people I could be about to hurt.

I felt guilty accepting presents for the babies, thanks to everyone's generosity the twins had a lot of clothes and toys, all the things that are fun to buy.

New Year was just annoying because I couldn't sleep but I couldn't really celebrate it either, I couldn't party and I especially couldn't drink. Enzo was invited out with his friends, I didn't even question it or argue that he should stay in with me. Everyone else I knew was out as well so I sat in alone watching TV to pass the time, waiting for Enzo to get back.

I thought about Liam, he was probably having an epic night, surrounded by hot women, drink, drugs, everything. He definitely wasn't sat alone thinking about me.