What Happens in Glastonbury

In The End

I spent five days holed up alone in Jesse's hotel suite, every decision I'd made over the past 6 months continually circulated my mind, wondering if I had monumentally fucked up my life with constant bad decisions. I'd gone from living in a nice house with two really great friends, having fun and living the exact life you're supposed to be living at university to living alone in a man's hotel room with no real friends and nothing of my own. I felt sad. I knew the events of the past few weeks were not my fault, but I kept thinking if I'd never met Jesse, none of this would have happened and Zoe and I would still be fine. But did I want to live with someone who has so little respect for me that they would do what she did? All it came down to really was that I couldn't trust her and that wasn't the foundation for a friendship. My mind got to this point a hundred times over the course of the five days and then went back to the start blaming myself for my bad decisions.

It was an endless cycle of guilt, worry, optimism and....cleaning! I discovered when I was contemplating life, I cleaned! Who knew? I cleaned the hell out of that apartment, several times! The housekeeping lady came and actually told me off for not having more mess for her to clean, she groaned something about not being paid and needing money for some night school she was going to but the story got boring and a fat pigeon outside on the window ledge distracted me, so I don't totally know what the story was there but anyway after my obsessive cleaning rampage the only thing I really figured out by the 5th day was that I absolutely could not live in a hotel room forever, I needed to find my own place.

Jesse's offer of getting us a house was very appealing, but I just didn't think it was the right time to take such a big step, we hadn't been together all that long, I felt like I needed to do this on my own. I knew I could basically only afford a cupboard in London but at least it would be my cupboard! I felt like I needed to do it on my own. I needed to know I was safe if he wasn't in my life anymore. I hoped he would be, but a year ago I'd have sworn Zoe and I were going to be friends for life and after the last few weeks I wasn't sure of anything anymore.

I considered moving into student halls of residence, but can you imagine Jesse, Jesse who probably has thousands of pounds in his bank account, maybe even millions! coming home from tour to stay in my shared room in grubby communal student housing with a load of students, smoking weed and playing Mario Kart all day? Uh, no, he would run for the hills, that was not an option, and I threw that thought out my head as soon as it entered.

So, on day 6 I decided to do something about it. I walked down to the nearest estate agents that I knew of and asked them for information on any flats available near my Uni. They gave me a bunch of information packs on currently available property which I spent the afternoon ruling out due to the fact that my budget would literally only buy me a cupboard, I thought I was joking before, but no, my life savings would get me a cupboard and we're not talking like a big fancy Harry Potter style under stair cupboard, we're talking slim kitchen cupboard, the kind that's too small to keep proper things in so you just put random crap in it, like Sellotape, safety pins and that piece of black plastic that was on the floor and you didn't know what it had come off of but you thought you ought to keep it in case it had fallen off something important.

This was depressing! Sat in a coffee shop looking through it all I ordered a large piece of chocolate cake to help with my misery, it did help, a little.

Sifting through the packs, dropping chocolate crumbs all over it as I stuffed cake into my mouth, I came across a listing with the price £1,599,000! Hmm, are they trying to rub it in that I can't afford anything! I had a look at the listing though, to make myself feel thoroughly shit and dream about this million-pound house that someone rich would buy and live a lovely life with tonnes of space, marble bathrooms, huge bedrooms, a walk-in wardrobe, fuck this place had a walk-in wardrobe!!!Life was unfair, I could only dream! And I did, for about 3 hours! Until I was so hyped up on coffee and so stuffed full of cake I needed to go home!