Twinkling Lights

Chapter 2

****A/N SO LIKE I KNOW THE LAST CHAPTER HAD SOME GRAMMAR ABD SPELLING ERRORS. I ASSURE YOU THAT I WILL FIX THEM. ALSO I HAVE TROUBLE WITH SPELLING SO PLEASE BARE WITH ME.****
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I turn around and stare at Tsukki straight in the eyes. I was unsure if he even heard me correctly or if he was being legitimate and accepting me. I was thinking a million thoughts all at once, jumbling with makeshift scenarios.

Tsukki seemed to see the panic in build up in me because he cupped my face, pulling me out of my anxious thoughts.

"Yams, it's okay if you aren't a boy. It doesn't make a difference. You are my best friend no matter what. And even though I don't say it enough, you mean a lot to me, nothing will change that fact. Explain to me, who you are now. So that I can understand you better and make sure I don't accidentally say something fucked. Okay"

I nod slightly and take a deep inhale, letting out a quiet exhale. I pull away from his hands and begin to explain myself.

"Okay. Well....to start off, I'm still a boy, but not always. So, like I guess the label I feel more comfortable with is 'gender fluid'. I don't really like labeling it though. Some periods I feel more feminine and prefer she/they. Some periods I feel more masculine and prefer he/they. But mostly I'm neither and prefer they/them."

"Hmm. Okay. I think I get it. Well, based on what you told me, do names have anything to do with it as well? Like...do you prefer other names or have a name you want me to call you instead?"

I smiled at his sudden questions. I liked how he wasn't holding back with questions and was trying to understand everything about me. It made me feel supported in a way. No one has ever asked me about such things, in order to understand me. It made me really happy.

"Yeah actually! When I feel like a girl, call me Yams. When I feel like a boy, call me Tadashi. When I feel like neither, call me Yamaguchi. Sorry. I know it's a lot and it's complicated. You don't have to use the right pronouns or names if it's too hard for you. I get it..."

"Shut up, Yams!"

I flinched at his sudden outburst and looked down at my hands in shame.

"Stop apologizing for shit that you shouldn't feel sorry for. You have the right to have preferred pronouns and names. If others can't respect them or even try to respect them, they should be the ones to say sorry. It's human decency to respect or even try to respect someone's pronouns and chosen names."

I tilted my head up in surprise at his statement. I gazed at him in appreciation, when I realized what he said was true. I winced as I felt a wet trail of tears on my cheeks, bitting on my trembling lips to muffle the sobs caught in my throat.

I looked away to avoid Tsukki seeing me cry again. I hated crying. I was too sensitive sometimes. Honestly... I need to stop crying so much out of nowhere.

I felt arms wrap around my trembling body, pulling me into their chest. Tsukki held me close, squeezing reassuringly. I started sobbing out loud into his chest, not caring that my mascara was probably running down my face.

After a while of sobbing, I stopped and relaxed myself. Tsukki let go of me, getting up and grabbing a small mirror and a small makeup bag he keep for me at his house. He handed the items to me and pulled out a makeup wipe from the bag. He cupped my face with his left hand and gently wiped down my face with his right. He hummed softly as he finished wiping off the runny mascara.

"There you go. Now stop crying. If any one should be crying, it should be me.... I mean like I'm the one having a depressive episode at the moment. Haha..."

I giggled lightly at his joke. I grabbed the mirror and a tube of mascara from the bag, and started applying a new coat of mascara on. I fixed up my makeup, frowning at how my stickers peeled off from my wet tears.