Five Years After

07

JAXX's POV

Just the thought of going to the Cancer Center stressed me out. It always did. I always dreaded seeing Cara, even though she didn't see me. She was always busy talking to the nurses or that Derek guy who happens to be her fiancé now, or their son. I never got to see the boy up close but I think it's best. I'm still mourning the loss of ours.

I saw them together one time when I picked up Mamá from the center. She joined this birthday celebration of a kid who was cured of her cancer and together they were promoting cancer awareness. I was waiting in the car when Mamá walked out of the door talking to them. Derek was carrying their sleeping child and Cara was talking to Mamá.

I felt a sudden stab in my chest when I saw the three of them. I felt jealous. That could have been us, had she just given me the chance. If she didn't lose our child. If she didn't have him or her aborted.

By the looks of it, she gave birth maybe later on that year or a few months after. Meaning, she moved on with someone else shortly after I left, after she lost our baby. It made me bitter when I realized just how quickly I was replaced.

Was I not enough? Minahal nya ba talaga ako?

After that night when I heard everything, I cut off all communications with all of five of them, but not before I cursed Ace to hell. I made sure he knew that I knew but it was not because any one of them had the heart to tell me. I only spoke with Ace through Adele and it was strictly for work. I made sure I would not hear anything about Cara. I made Ace promise, otherwise, I was going to fucking buy him out, because I could.

Everybody knew about it and not one of them thought of telling me. Made me think how much they really cared for me. If that was how much I meant to them, then I don't think there's a point in staying. They continued to email or call me but I never picked up. I never replied. I never sent them birthday or holiday greetings.

Grace and I met up in New York a couple of times when she had a shoot or a show. We'd usually end up wasted in the after-party but nothing ever happened between us. After she dissed Cara and insinuated that she had an abortion, I refused to see her for months. She claimed it was from a reliable source in the hospital, one of the OB residents.

It never crossed my mind that Cara would actually have an abortion until that moment. It didn't sound like her but then I realized I didn't really know her or what she was capable of. Maybe she really thought it was a mistake, or she wasn't ready that time. Or maybe she really regretted everything about us and she wanted to get rid of everything that had to do with me.

But then she decided to keep this other child with Derek. That was a slap in the face, another blow I didn't see coming. So I decided it wasn't worth coming home to anymore. No one was worth flying back. My home was in Philadelphia with Aadvika and Dev, and in New York with Nick, Carmen, and my Dad.

On my last semester in Wharton, I had been in talks with my lawyer friends in Penn Law on how to go about leaving JAB Data Suite, either having Ace buy me out or if should just stay and be a board member. I was determined to leave and start anew. My family was here. Wala naman akong uuwiin pa.