Five Years After

08

CARA's POV

Nobody moved or spoke. Not a peep. Not even the crickets. Jaxx was looking at me as he sat on his heels, his legs open. Justin was standing in between covering his mouth and looking at my phone, which lay on the floor, shattered.

What was Jaxx doing here? How did my son end up showing his eyes to his father? Alam ba ni Jaxx na his eye condition had a familial tendency? Who am I kidding, of course, alam niya! I bet he's studied it before out of curiosity.

Fuck. I'm so screwed. Has he concluded anything? I bet he has.

"Cara, what the fuck is going on?" his voice was almost a whisper, enunciating each word slowly. His eyes were pleading, full of unshed tears. There were anger and confusion on his face, but also hurt and betrayal. His guard was down; he did not know what to do. He was so lost. Just like me.

Hindi ako makapagsalita.

There were just so many things I wanted to say I didn't know where or how to begin. The sorrow and the confusion in his eyes were overwhelming. The depths of the pain his eyes were like oceans that opened up and I was drowning in them.

This wasn't how I planned for them to meet. Do I start with an apology? ? Basta ko na lang ba ibubunyag na anak nya si Justin na walang pasabi?

I don't know how I remained standing when the heaviness in my chest was unbearable. It felt like the whole world crashed on my shoulders and was currently crushing my chest. I wanted to die seeing how much suffering I had brought this broken man kneeling in front of me.

He ran his fingers over his eyes, wiping the tears that had been falling.

Gusto ko syang yakapin. I wanted to take away the pain. Ako may kasalanan ng lahat, I made him go through this agony. Ang sakit sakit makitang nasasaktan sya. But I didn't want him to give up on his dream because I knew that he would regret it.

I didn't plan on keeping Justin a secret from him. I need to make him understand that I did not mean to keep Justin away from him for so long. Pero bakit ko nga ba ginawa?

Kasi duwag ako.

I wanted to touch him. I miss him so much. He was less than ten feet away. He was so near, yet still so far.

Derek cleared his throat after what felt like a full ten minutes, "Ma'am, kami muna rito. Balik na lang kayo mamaya. Tapos na ba ang chemo ni Ms. dela Vega?"

"Opo doc, hydration na lang po."

"Okay, ako na bahala rito." The nurses quickly left and Derek moved to do his work.

The patient leaned back on the bed but continued to watch us. Her eyes were welling up with tears. She looked oddly familiar. I think she was the lady who sponsored the Cancer Awareness party with Reese last April. But Derek introduced her as Ms. Estrella. As I continued to scrutinize her, I wondered why Jaxx was in her room.