Five Years After

15

"Cara, are you okay? Kilala mo ba yang nasa news?" Dr. Valle asked.

By this time, he and Dr. E-di were also watching, pati na yung waiters and bartender.

"Doc, sorry. I have to go. Sorry po sa shoes nyo," I stood up and made to leave. Nakalabas na ako ng pintuan, nakatawid na papuntang condo nang maalala ko na naiwan ko ang bag ko sa Hideout. Napamura na lang ako kasi hindi ko na kayang bumalik.

Hindi ko alam kung ano pa ang nararamdaman ko aside from the sharp, searing pain in my chest nang makita ko ang balita. Ang bigat ng dibdib ko na parang may vice grip na sinakasal ang mga baga ko. Pakiramdam koy nauubos na ang hangin and I was drowning. Napahawak ako sa lamppost at pagpikit ko, tuloy-tuloy naman ang pag-agos ng mga luha.

"Jaxx, bakit? Bakit ngayon pa!" napaluhod na ako ng tuluyan. Bakit ngayon pa na hindi ko na maloko sarili ko, na hindi ko na mapaniwala ang puso ko na hindi na kita mahal?

Naisip din agad si Justin. Sana hindi niya ito malaman, sana hindi siya pag-usapan ng mga magulang ng classmates niya kapag nalaman na nilang si Jaxx ang ama niya. Sana hindi niya ito malaman kalian man. He may be just five but he was ahead in years at baka sumama tingin nya kay Jaxx. Baka kung ano ang maisip niya at bigla syang lumayo kay Jaxx. Ayaw ko mangyari 'yun.

"Cara, hey!" may tumabi sa akin at hinila ako patayo. It was Derek. Niyakap nya ako at hinaplos ang buhok habang humgulhol ako sa balikat nya.

"Shh, tahan na," paulit-ulit nyang binubulong.

Hindi ko na namalayan pano kami nakarating sa condo pero natauhan ako nang binuksan na ni Derek ang pintuan at ang ilaw.

"Dem, I left my bag –"

"I got it. Your phone's here, your keys, and power bank."

"My phone, please akin na," there was a sense of urgency na parang hindi na makapaghintay ng bukas. I immediately called Ace pero hindi sya sumasagot. Baka kausap niya si Jaxx.

I sent a group message to my friends through text and through our Viber group:

Guys, please take care of him. Please.

There was so much I wanted to say, na wag nila syang pabayaan, to make sure he's never alone. I don't want to lose him. I don't want him to lose himself again, I don't want him to go on self-destruction mode. I can't bear to see him go down that road again.

At ang dahilan ng lahat ay si Grace na naman! God! When will she ever stop?!

For the next week, they were still on celebrity and gossip news and the video was all over the Internet. Hindi ko na nasundan whether Jaxx or Grace gave a statement. I consciously blocked out any news about them.

Wala naman sa residents may alam kung sino si Jaxx at Grace sa buhay ko kaya they freely talked about them in the callroom. Whenever they did, umaalis na lang ako. I didn't want to hear about it kasi nasasaktan ako.