I'll Be Your Strength

"I'm broken, and no one, not even Nathan can fix me."

"I'm broken, and no one,  not even Nathan can fix me." 

Chapter 3:

-NATHANS POV-

I woke up cuddled in a ball with a thin blue sheet over me. Looking around, I saw the hospital bed and the realization of Bekie's death hit me even harder than it did last night, but she was gone. She wasn't on the bed, not anywherein the room. I looked across from me at Jay, Siva, Tom and Max, who must've snuck in last night once they heard the news.

"Jay."

He groggily opened his eyes, and had to refocus them before landing on me, "You okay?"

"Not really...where's Bekie?"

"Oh, her family left once they put her in the morgue. Erm..." he looked around before lifting up a thin sheet of paper,"they left a note for you."

Nath,

Didn't want to wake you, Shes gone now and she wouldnt want you to mourn her death. They took her to the morgue and we're gonna bury her back in England. Don't know when, but soon, we'll notify you of the date...Found her letter in her pocket, left it on the table next to the bed for you.

-Marie(Marie is Bekie's mom)

I put the note down, and stared at the ground for a good few minutes,before getting up and walking to the table. The letter was folded in half, and her rush handwriting sprawled 'sorry' on the front. I just stood there and stared at it. I didn't want to open it. I didn't want to feel like this was all my fault, even though I already know it was. I couldn't save her, I didn't know she was going to do it, I ddin't watch or listen lose enough...it's all my fault. 

Tom came up behind me, and put his hand on my shoulder.

"Stop thinking things you know aren't true. It wasn't your fault mate, theres no point in thinking like that."

I bit my lip and tightened my jaw, before I reached for the letter.

It's comte to the point, hih? I'm done for, for good. I've kicked the bucket, and all the other things they say that i seem to have forgotten--

I ran my finger over the dried tear drop next to the word forgotten, before continuing.

--but I'm sorry and there's nothing else to say. I'm broken, and no one,  not even Nathan can fix me.

Nathan, I love you, so much. But I can't fight anymore, and no one can do the fighting for me. Living turned into surviving, and I don't have the will or courage to. You're a strong kid, a lot stronger than you think. And remember that promise? Two years ago, we locked pinkies saying we weren't going to do it, if the other one didn't. Yeah, well, it's obvious I broke the promise, but even though I did, it doesn't mean you should, too. I'm watching over you alright? I promise. I'm still your strength.

I felt my grip tensing on the paper, and faught the urge to leave the letter unread.

Mom and Dad, I'm really fucking sorry, but you'll be fine, ok? I'm a lot happier now, and I'm in a better place, I promise. There was nothing anyone could've done to save me this time. It was just a matter of when I was gonna do it, not if or why. I love you both so much, don't forgtet that.

Lil' Luke, chin up buddy. I love you so much, and I don't want you to cry anymore ok? I'm up there, bhaving fun with the angels. You're gonna be fine lil bud promise :)

So this is goodbye, for good.

-Love, Bek.

My grip tightened around the paper, even more, and tear drops involuntarily fell. I folded the letter in half again, and laid it back on the table, 'sorry' side down. I walked back to where I slept, and sat there, staring at a distant point on the wall. I was numb, the pain was there, but nothing was made out of it.

The boys had all woken up by now, and no one said anything. They were all distant in their own train of thought.

Half an hour passes, and the boys leave individually to get breakfast, but somehow they made sure someone else was always in the room with me.

An hour, two, they beg me to eat something but I don't.  I shouldn't be able to, if Bekie wasn't. The day goes bye, it's sunset and Marie, Mike(Bekie's dad), and Luke(her brother) come by to see if I'm still there. I didn't say anything to them, but they talked. Something about letting her go, and a bunch of other bullshit. I didn't make any movement to infer I was listening to them.

They somehow drag me out of the room, and take me back to the hotel. but the same eptiness stayed. There was no meaning anymore, and I wasn't sure there would ever be a meaning. She was my everything, and she was all I ever had. I sat on the bed and stared at the same distant point, hoping somewhere in the meantime, she'd come back.

++the last few chapters were in Nathan's POV, and its just because one of the other main characters haven't come in the story yet. Hope you enjoyed :) Sorry it's a bit short