Losing It All // Alex Bowman

Chapter Nine // Gwen

Content Warning: [detailed] sexual relations between two consenting adults.

Trusting Alex was the easiest thing I could have done. It was just so easy to fall into his arms and fall even more in love with him. I felt like this cloud 9 that I've been on for the past few weeks was never going to end.

Which I was okay with.

I decided to let go of my fear that something bad was going to happen because nothing was. I was still upset with myself for worrying over what Alex said when he was drunk but reminded myself that he'll tell me he loves me in due time if even it takes a while. I can't rush something someone isn't ready to say and I needed to move forward from it.

Besides, I think if Alex knew he said it, it might make things awkward between us and I didn't want that.

"Watcha doing babe?" It was rare Friday night at home and I was curled up on Alex's couch with my laptop in hand, like always.

"You know, the usual." I winked at him as he handed me a glass of wine.

"Always writing dirty things about me." Alex shook his head with a slight blush to his cheeks.

"Does that bother you at all? I mean, I am writing this for others to read."

"Just bothers me you won't let me read it." I sighed, my shoulders dropping when I realized this bothers Alex.

"It bothers you a lot, doesn't it?"

"Just something I want in on. It's a passion of yours and I wish you'd share that with me. I know I read a tiny bit of it that night we first got together, but..." Alex trailed off, taking a sip of his drink and shrugging his shoulders.

My heart dropped at this moment. I wanted to share this with Alex but wonder if he reads it and then suddenly he wants nothing to do with me? He's going to see a new side of me that I hid behind the screen. My inner desires are being poured out in my writings. To the outside looking in, it's just a fangirl creating a story full of drama and romance, but the reality of it, is me pouring my heart out into characters that I wish were true for me.

Even though I have Alex, it just seemed like it wasn't enough. I knew what was missing but we weren't there yet.

"Wonder if you don't like it?" What I was really worried about was him being scared and running off.

"Doubt it."

"What if you read it and what nothing to do with me after this?" Alex laughed and shook his head.

"Gwen, baby, it's just fanfiction, right? It's not real and besides, I wanna know what you're saying about me."

"Fictional you."

"Regardless, it's based on me and I want to read." I bit my lip, holding my laptop to me tightly.

Alex reached up to cup my cheek, his thumb pulling my bottom lip out from between my cheeks. "I promise babe, I'm not going to run or think badly of you. I just want to enjoy your passion for writing. Please, let me in." I sighed into his touch, closing my eyes and letting my fears fall to the wayside.

"Okay," I said softly, relaxing my grip on my laptop. Alex smiled, pulled me into a brief kiss, and took the laptop from me.

I quickly pulled up the website where I hosted all of my stories. My stomach was in knots and I couldn't be in the same room as him as he read. I would judge his facial expressions and think the worst if I didn't see him react how I thought he should.

"This is the one that I've been working on the night you first caught me, it's short and to the point. If you want to read something longer you can click here." I showed him where the list of my stories was and he whistled at how many were listed. "Just a fair warning, they're extremely explicit."