Losing It All // Alex Bowman

Chapter Two // Gwen

Content Warning: [detailed] sexual relations between two consenting adults.

I watched in defeat as Alex climbed out of his wrecked car. His head fell forward as he took off his heat guards and gently laid them back in the car. I know he was frustrated, but I think he was too upset to show it.

My heart gave out when he slowly climbed into the ambulance, his shoulders hunched over as he looked over at the carnage. I know how much it would have meant to win this race, and yet, fate didn't allow him to.

I waited for Alex outside of the infield care center. A part of me was disappointed that he didn't look for me right away but instead he went right to where the media was waiting for him. I wordlessly handed him his bottle of water and sunglasses. I really shouldn't be offended by how he was acting. He didn't offer up a thanks or even acknowledge my presence, but yet I was a little hurt.

Reign it in Gwen.

I've been here before, where he doesn't notice me. This is nothing new. Just, after what happened last night, I guess I expected more from him. I can't assume that just because I fall asleep in his arms, it means something. We messed around and nothing more. No feelings were said on his end and even though I confessed some, it just fell on deaf ears. Lust is what drove us to be together last night, nothing more.

"Do you want to do your post-race interview now or wait until the team meeting in the morning?" I asked him the moment we climbed into the golf-cart. Since we're racing on a Monday, I wanted to give him the option of wrapping up this week tomorrow.
"I just want to be left alone."
"Oh." That stung, no lie.
"Gwen, I'm sorry," he sighed.
"It's fine, Alex."

I stepped a little harder on the gas and drove him right to his RV. I can't let him know that he hurt my feelings. It's typical for drivers to get mad at their team from time to time. I'm a big girl, I can handle this.

"Gwen..." I looked at him, his gray blue eyes searching mine out. I gave him a pointed look waiting for him to continue but he didn't.
"I'll catch a ride with Greg to the airport." I fished out the keys to the rental and handed it to him.
"I'll let the team know we're not debriefing today." I didn't bother waiting for a reply and left Alex standing outside his RV.

**

"Is this seat taken?" I looked up from the book I was reading to see Alex looking at me expectantly. I was a bit surprised he was asking me in the first place. He always goes to the back of the plane when we fly with the HMS crew instead of private.
"I thought you wanted to be left alone." I noted he was chewing on his bottom lip, he did this when things were bothering him. I wasn't sure if it was because of how the race ended for him, or for how things went down between us afterwards. Probably the latter, because nothing happened between us. I was really getting annoyed with myself thinking that something did.
"I guess I changed my mind." Alex waited for me to answer his initial question and I was a bit shocked by that.

If Alex wanted to sit here, he would. He's known to just plop down anywhere he wants without concern or bothering to ask permission. Like Sunday, he just laid down on the couch, took my blanket without a word and went to sleep.

The fact that he was standing here and asking for my permission meant he was unsure that I wanted his company... which means he knows he hurt my feelings earlier.

I nodded my head so Alex knew he could sit. "You weren't saving this for anyone?"
"If I was, I wouldn't offer it to you."
"Are you sure?"
"Alex," I sighed, "If you want to sit with me, you can. I'm not going to tell you no."
"I really wasn't sure if you wanted my company after the way I treated you after the race."
"Yeah, well, I also know not to take it personally when you're having a bad day. You've done it before, why should this be any different?" Good job at not sounding hurt Gwen, he sees right through you. "I'm sorry, I guess we're both having a bad day."
"Wanna talk about it?" I looked at Alex as he finally sat down next to me. I hated how soft he looked with his black hoodie and his hair styled perfectly. I could smell his body wash from the shower he took after the race, the musky pine scent wrapping around me like a tight blanket.