Losing It All // Alex Bowman

Chapter Seventeen // Gwen

I sighed, staring at the blank document in front of me, the cursor blinking, waiting for me to pour my heart out. Just, I have nothing to say anymore.

My heart was officially broken and turned cold. The only man I've ever known has turned into a monster that I can't bear to look at. When I hear his name on my TV in the evenings when I check the news, I turn it off and pretend that he's not out there winning more races and holding the number one spot in points.

Whereas, the man I knew was hard working and doing everything in his power to get where he's at today. Now it just seems like he just whips his dick out and contracts are signed and checkered flags are being waved.

"Gwen, I have some news you're not going to like." I glanced up at my new boss who was giving me a sad smile.

"She's leaving early for maternity leave, isn't she?" My boss nodded and I just sighed, falling back into my chair as uneasiness washes over me. "How soon?"

"Her water broke this morning." I laughed dryly and just shook my head.

"Okay."

"Are you sure it's okay because if not, I can try and see if someone else can cover for you?"

"No, it's okay, I love being a PR, it's just..."

"I know..." I sighed as I looked up at Robin, he smiled sadly at me as he knew my backstory about Alex and how he treated me when I applied here at Joe Gibbs Racing. It's usually impossible to find a job midseason but I was truly thankful for that phone call. "I already let Bell know you'll be his girl for the weekend and the rest of the season as well. If any problem arises, please let me know, okay? I have your back, Gwen." I nodded, my throat tightening at how nice he was and willing to be there for me after everything I went through.

I deleted my blank document, no longer having the desire to write. Maybe it was time to let that part of my life go and just focus on myself and the career that I've come to love. There was no point in letting someone from my past drag me down anymore. I just needed to move on.

It was easier said than done though because my heart stopped beating and I felt it break into a million pieces as I saw Alex walk out of the garage with Bethany by his side.

"I could beat him up, you know." I laughed as Christopher and his wife caught up with me and I was so thankful his little family has welcomed me with open arms.

"Nah, but you could accidentally run him up the track and into the wall?" I smiled as they both laughed and because of them being loud, Alex turned and looked at us.

His eyes locked in on mine but I quickly looked away. I didn't care about Alex anymore. I'm just here to do my job and nothing else.

**

Talladega was unlike anything I've ever experienced. I've been coming here for years and yet every time I walk out onto pit road, I get the chills. Excitement fills my soul and for once, I was excited about today's race. Christopher was on the pole followed by his other teammates.

Alex was in the back, the Hendrick guys opting out of group qualifying. It honestly didn't even matter where anyone started, you could be seeing the white flag in the lead, and the next thing you know you're dead last before you reach turn one. That's how quickly everything moved on this track.

I hugged Christopher and told him to be safe and then walked back to the pit stall with his wife. She kissed me on the cheek and told me she's going to sit with his family in the stands.

The race started without a hitch, Christopher led a few laps before things started to get dicey and fell to the back to hang out with his other teammates. Dark clouds started to roll in but there was no sign of bad weather, but my gut told me something wasn't right.

I ignored it, watching the race and updating social media as everything went dark around us. The wind picked up and the temperature dropped. I didn't like this one bit. I refreshed my weather app but there was nothing on the radar, I even checked with the crew chief and he just shrugged his shoulders.

"Wind is picking up here, watch it."

Bell's spotter noted the change and relayed it to Christopher, just like everyone else was on the radio. However, with these speeds and the wind picking up so much it's shaking the stall that I knew one gust was going to ruin someone's race.

"They're wrecking behind you."

Everything was happening so fast that I could barely keep my eyes on what was happening. The loud sound of metal and tires squealing made its way through the headphones I had on while flashes of colors all blurred together.

I held my breath as the sky decided to open up at that moment, causing the cars who were in control to twist and turn, going every which way except for straight.

I gasped loudly when a car went airborne, tears going to my eyes instantly when I saw the white 88 flipping ends on end and it wasn't stopping.

Debris filled the sky as Alex's car was torn apart piece by piece. When he finally landed on his roof, the front half was completely gone and was engulfed in fire.

I screamed when another car hit him in the driver's side, sending his car high up the bank and then rolling down to the grass when his car came to a stop. I held my breath, waiting for a sign that he was alive, but nothing came. With shaky fingers, I switched to his radio where his team was yelling at Alex to reply.

But nothing came.

Thunder clapped loudly, breaking the silence as everyone rushed towards Alex's car. No one dared to wait for the safety crew to show up. I wanted to throw up the moment his team got to him, ripping apart the window net and crawling into his car only to stand back up with white stricken faces.

I had to get to him. I had to make sure Alex was okay. I didn't care if I hated him right now. I didn't care if he hated me. I... I had to get to him.

I jumped down from the pit stall and ran as fast as I could. I was drenched within seconds but I didn't care. I needed to get to Alex.

A crowd was surrounding his car, lights from the ambulance flashing brightly but there was no sign of Alex.

"Gwen! Don't. Let them do their job!" Strong arms caught me and picked me off the ground so I wouldn't go running. "Gwen, it's bad..." Hot tears ran down my eyes as my cousin Daniel held me tightly in his arms, his own body shaking with fear as we watched a lifeless Alex being pulled from the wreckage.

I screamed until I couldn't anymore, my throat raw as my eyes went blurry. I collapsed onto the grass, surrounded by wrecked cars as the ambulance drove away.

My heart was breaking all over again, and this time it's because I haven't told Alex I loved him. I didn't care if he hated me, he needed to know, that is... if he was still alive.