Losing It All // Alex Bowman

Chapter Fourteen // Gwen

I was sick to my stomach when I saw the photos of Alex and Bethany at the club watching his favorite band. That should have been me. That should have been me he was dancing next to, drinking with, not her. I don't care if it was for his fucking job or not.

That should have been us.

I knew better than to go to his tagged photos on Instagram, but I couldn't help myself when I was tagged in them as well.

That's not Gwen!

Who is Alex dancing with?! Where's Gwen. OMG!!!

The fangirls are vicious when it comes to new girls in drivers' lives, knowing immediately something is up when their current arm candy is gone. Believe me, I used to be that girl. I would gossip online about drivers' current girlfriends and if/when they were going to break up with them.

I know what's sad in private, I know what's being whispered in group chats on Twitter and Instagram. I know they're all saying he's cheating on me, that he dumped me for someone who was so much more his type than the pretty girl next door.

Me being "pretty" doesn't even compare to her. She's his walking wet dream. I'll never compare to her.

I roll over in bed, my stomach a complete wreck. I called into work sick the moment Alex left my house this morning. We were fighting nonstop about all of this. He told me he could do whatever the fuck he wanted outside of work and our relationship and he just didn't get it how it looks bad. How sneaking around and not telling me he's with her is 'none of your business'.

I stared at him as he said that, looking for the man I fell in love with but all I saw back at me were cold, gray eyes.

"I lost you to her, didn't I?"

"Gwen, what the fuck are you talking about? You're still my girlfriend." He pulled his hair after saying that, growling and then yelled in frustration when his phone started to ring. "I gotta go." My eyes flashed to the screen and saw it was her who was calling.

Alex was barely out the door when I fell to the floor in a crumbling mess, my heart shattering into a million pieces.

I lost my Alex and I didn't know how to get him back.

Fresh tears began to fall down my already stained cheeks when my phone buzzed in my hands. I told work only to contact me if it was an emergency, otherwise, the PRs in the office could handle whatever nonsense was laying on my desk.

I didn't want to exist at this moment. I finally got the guy of my dreams only for him to be someone I really didn't know. What a fool am I to think that Alex actually cared about someone who looked like me. Was he here only for the sex? Or for the smut that I write about him? I know I didn't show him everything and truth be told if he did see it, I'm sure he'll be upset.

Maybe I should just delete it from the internet, make a post to my fans that I'm walking away from fanfiction and NASCAR altogether. Why should I even go on when my muse for writing is acting like I don't even matter to him anymore?

I sighed when my phone buzzed again and again. I was about to yell at who was calling me but it wasn't any of that, my Instagram and Twitter were blowing up with fans tagging me.

WHERE THE HELL IS GWEN AT?!

WTF IS GOING ON?

GIRL. COME GET YOUR MAN, HE GOT LOST IN SOME SKANK ASS PUSSY.

I didn't understand why I was getting tagged but then I saw it. A blurry photo of Alex and Bethany walking backstage of the concert they attended the other night. The video was blurry as whoever was recording it was following.

My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach as the blackness turned into two bodies completely tangled up in each other. The moment her arms went around his neck and pulled her down into a kiss, I jumped off the bed and ran to my bathroom, heaving nothing but emptiness as my stomach tried to get rid of itself.

I began to sob as the sounds from the video came out of my phone. The music was drained and I heard nothing but the love of my life betray me in the worst possible way.

I picked it up and threw it against the wall, the glass screen shattering instantly but the video was still repeating itself.

"Stop it!" I cried, throwing it in the toilet where it sank to the bottom and instantly turned black.

Just like my soul and just like my heart.