Calamity

Stage Four

‼️TW: EMETOPHOBIA‼️

You wake up later that night, and for a second you feel content. There's a moment of peace as you take your first waking breath and look around your hospital room. But soon after the memories come flooding back. You think about the night you just had. The preparation, the game, the annoyance...

The denial.
The anger.
The bargaining.

The panic attack, the sadness, the disgust, all of it hits you like a huge truck. You take a shaky breath and realize you're onto the fourth stage of grief- depression. You're scared to find out how long you'll be stuck in it.

"Y/n?" Says a soft voice beside you. You look over slowly, your eyes starting to fill with tears. It's Spencer, his worried eyes dark and his hair messy. He rushes to your side and tries to reach for your hand, but stops himself. He awkwardly pulls it away and just looks over at you. "Are you um.... how are you?" He asks. You stay silent and look away.

"I can't think of a word to describe it." You say quietly. He swallows and looks you over. You glance at his face and notice his eyes have fallen on your hand. They almost look desperate- like he needs so badly to hold you. But you just pick it up and move it away from him. He looks back up at you and tries to speak but is interrupted by a doctor walking into the room.

"Hello Doctor Reid." She says to you. She has a weak smile and she talks softly. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know." You answer honestly.

"Physically are you feeling any pain?" She asks. You try to focus on your body and feel all of the negativity ache your skin. It's not pain, but it's not a comfortable feeling.

"No, I'm fine." You answer with a fake and weak smile. She smiles back and writes something on her clipboard.

"Well I'm Doctor Irman. I'll be checking in with you during your stay here." She says.

"How long will I be here exactly?" You ask.

"Hopefully not too long. If  you do well overnight you can be out of here tomorrow." She answers. She then looks back at her clipboard and walks closer to your side. "Speaking of how well you're doing, so far it's good. You had a severe panic attack that caused you to become unconscious but after plenty of rest your vitals are back to normal. Your baby is ok too, just eat and drink plenty to be safe. Try to get some rest."

She smiles at you but you don't make eye contact. You don't say thank you or nod, you just look at the wall in front of you with a blank expression.

"Thank you doctor, I'll call you if she needs anything." Chimes in Spencer. She nods at him and leaves the room, leaving you and him alone again. But to be honest you wish you could be left by yourself. You aren't in the state of mind to talk to anybody right now.

"Penelope and Derek want to come visit you. They offered to bring lunch." Says Spencer, breaking the silence.

"I don't want visitors right now." You say blankly, your voice stifled from tears. Spencer doesn't speak again for a few seconds but the silence is awkward.

"Do you want me to stay, or..." He starts, waiting for you to answer. You feel bad, he obviously wants to but you don't want to be around people right now. You're in a bad place that you especially don't want Spencer to be around for.

"Not tonight. I want to be alone." You say, trying your best to make some type of eye contact but ultimately fail. He nods awkwardly looking a little disappointed. In his mind he knows you shouldn't be alone right now, but if he pushes it too much it could upset you even more. So he decides to respect your wishes and leave.