Calamity

Bad to Better

‼️TW: TALK OF SCARS‼️

"WHY DIDN'T YOU SAVE ME?!"

You jolt awake after your dream with fast breath. You press your hands to your forehead to calm down and slow your breathing. Once you're ok you sit up and look around. Spencer isn't here. You wipe the sweat from your forehead and slowly move from under the covers. You walk over to the small table where you find a little piece of paper with Spencer's recognizable chicken scratch on it.

Good morning gorgeous
Hotch needed me to come in today but I'll be back tonight. If you need anything text me, I'll keep my phone on me all day.
I ordered you some breakfast from Fred's Diner. Sausage with two sunny side up eggs and toast, your favorite :) It should be there at around 10:30
I love and miss you so much. You're the light of my life. Je t'aime.
Spencer

You set the note back on the table and check the time. It's 9:45, which means you'll have your food soon. It was nice of Spencer to order your favorite breakfast- you make a note to thank him specifically. It's a small step to appreciate him more, but it's the small things that count.

Other than that you promised yourself to try and get better not only for him, but for yourself. So this morning you decide to take a shower and wear something other than pajamas and sweatpants. You take a nice, long hot and relaxing shower that lasts about thirty minutes. In the shower you try and divert your attention away from your scars or anything to do with how bad you've been feeling lately. It doesn't really work though, because the water is scolding hot which reminds you of a conversation you and Cecilia had once.

"You know people who take hot showers make the water so warm to mimic the feeling of physical affection?"

You laughed at her random science fact. "I did know that. Now stop making me feel sad, you're here to help me finish off this fruit cake."

"Yeah, I know I said that but y/n... this cake is awful." She said. You laughed again as you forced down another chunk of the cake. A patient had given it to you as a thank you gift, but it was rock hard and tasted like cement. You couldn't eat all of it by yourself and you felt bad throwing it away because the lady was so sweet and old. So you invited Cecilia over.

"I know I know, but look on the bright side. As a reward for finishing it I ordered us pizza." You said.
Cecilia got an excited look on her face and did a slow fist pump. "But I won't let you have any until we finish this cake."  You said. She immediately took another bite of cake and you laughed as she flinched at the crunch of the cake in her mouth.

You feel sad again, realizing you'll never have another moment like that with her again. All you have are memories. And even though they're precious, they also hurt.

"I'm sorry." You whisper quietly to yourself. You've never been a spiritual person, but if there's anyway Cecilia can hear you now you hope she does. You take a moment to wallow in the hot steam of the water until you start to get back to cleaning yourself. Once you're done you step out, get dressed, and brush your hair. You feel nice and clean which puts you in a better mood. But that dragging feeling still lingers which causes a kind of sad cloud to form over you. Self deprecating thoughts are still there as well, so you tell yourself to try and have a positive day. But it's easier to tell yourself something than to actually do it.

While deep in your thoughts there's a knock at the door. You open it revealing an agent you've never seen before. She's African American with shorter brown hair and kind eyes.

"Hi my name is Doctor Tara Lewis, you must be
y/n." She says. You wrap your arms around your torso feeling uncomfortable. You didn't know somebody new would be dropping off your food.