Calamity

Emily

You were up for hours last night thinking about Emily. You had thought about her a few times over the past two weeks but never this much. You were always busy with... other things. But you wonder if she's really ok right now. She's probably just as bad as you were at the start, maybe even worse since she doesn't have someone with her. You feel guilty.

When you finally fell asleep you had your nightmare again. Except this time it wasn't as vivid or terrifying so you didn't wake up screaming or in a sweat. Instead your body jumped a little, but overall you're ok. You just needed to take a second. Spencer wasn't there when you woke up which means he's at work. You don't want to be bored all day so you list options  for what to do in your head. There's watching tv, solitaire, or texting Spencer. Probably not the latter, you don't want to distract him. So that leaves tv or solitaire. Neither are ideal, but you sit on the couch and turn on the tv anyway. While scrolling through Netflix you pass a movie called Emily in Paris. Hm... Emily.

Maybe you could send her a text. No, that's not sincere enough. A letter? People like receiving mail... but that will take too long. You want to do something though. Maybe you'll ask Spencer to take a care package to her loft for you.

Don't keep using Spencer. If you actually care about  Emily do it yourself, lazy.

A voice in your head makes you feel bad. You do care about Emily and you do want to help her, but the thought of leaving this room makes you very anxious. You don't think you can handle something like that right now. But your mind races with two different thoughts.

To check on Emily means to go to Cecilia's loft. You'll be lucky if you don't break down as soon as you get there. But is not checking on Emily selfish? What kind of friend are you to not check in on her when she's feeling the same grief as you? You overthink the situation and pick at the skin on your fingers, pacing across the room. You know you should do what's best for you, but being a good friend is important to you too. What if she's going through what you were going through but worse? What if she has scars, or spends every second hating herself, or blames herself... she's probably miserable now that nobody is there for her.

Don't think about yourself. Be a good friend and don't ignore them for once.

You pick at your fingers one last time before looking towards your purse. You haven't touched it in weeks since you've been in here everyday, but today that might change. Come on y/n, it's nothing crazy. You're just checking on a friend. Don't be selfish.
So you quickly grab your purse and keys before you change your mind and walk towards the door. You take a deep breath before opening it, until you do and quickly walk out of the room.

You're overwhelmed by noises and movement of FBI agents in the building. It's all so unfamiliar. Agents that you've met look at you and whisper, knowing that you haven't left that room in two weeks. You avert their gaze and continue to walk quickly to the front doors of headquarters. When you step outside, you kind of gasp at the feeling of fresh air. It feels so nice. And it's your favorite kind of weather today. Sunny with a nice breeze. It sort of calms you, but you remember your objective is to get to Emily. So you walk to your car and sit inside ready to make sure she's ok. You just hope it's not too late.

•••••

You arrive at Cecilia and Emily's loft about fifteen minutes later. You sit in your car once you're parked and take a deep breath. Once you feel you're ready, you step out of your car and walk to the front door of the building. You put in the password, memories already flooding back.

The late night sleepovers you had, the days when you needed to talk. She told you the password to the building so you would have complete access to her loft if you ever needed it. You came here a lot so it's weird to be here knowing she won't be sitting on her couch waiting for you. Your breath becomes shaky and you feel your eyes get hot as you walk up the stairs. Your insides sink when you arrive at the door. You don't know if you're actually ready to do this. But you have to for Emily.