Thank You (Sakuatsu fluff)

14

Sakusa pov :

Tw!! mentions of abuse, and smoking

You know that feeling when you want to be around everyone, but you're to scared to talk to people? They tell you to talk more and interact but whenever you do you get ignored, interrupted, and forgotten? It causes you to fade away. Just disappear. You become invisible and stay alone, because when your alone you can't get hurt. It's just you and yo alone, no one to hurt you, leave you, abandon you, that can't happen. You don't have to talk to anyone, you can blast your music and not give a single fuck about the world.  

I know this feeling all to well. I don't really care anymore though. It's become peaceful to me now. I like being alone, listening to music by myself. Just me and me alone.

I've spent most of my life this way, I would sit in the back corner of the class by the window. I enjoyed looking out the window. I never usually payed attention in class. I never needed to. I already knew what we were doing. I got called a nerd for it but I didn't really care. 

I always minded my own business, doing my own thing. I walked the halls alone with my head down, not looking at anyone. My hair covered my face, the face I wish I didn't have. 

I didn't like my face. People always called me scary, but still had a sexual attraction to it. I was only ever liked for my looks, but never me. No one cared enough to get to know me. They only talked to me when they needed "help" with their homework. They never bothered to ask me how I was or if I was okay. Not even a how was you weekend was ever asked to me. 

I slowly became invisible. No one noticed I was there. But I was fine with that. It was better that way anyways. I didn't have to worry about anyone other than myself. I know it's selfish, but who was there to judge me? I was alone anyways. 

I never tried to talk to anyone. Even when my teachers told me to, I would refuse. 

My parents don't care about how I feel with these things. Their strict. I can't do anything without asking. 

They used to be really nice and caring, but when I turned 6 everything changed. I don't know why things changed the way they did, but they did and it's never going to be the same ever again. 

They started to be really strict and yell at me for no reason, and they would even hit me. I wouldn't say they were abusive, but at the same time they kinda are. They hit me for no reason when their mad. 

I was the only one that got hit though, my parents only hit me, and yell at me. Not my siblings. 

I have two siblings, an older brother and an older sister, but they don't pay much attention to me either. I don't really care though. I've gotten used to being alone and independent at this point. 

I want to move out, but I can't. They wont let me.

When I got to highschool I wasn't the same kid. I decided to change. I gave people a reason to say I was scary, I gave my parents a reason to yell at me. I became cold to everyone. I got into fights all the time. My parents would get pissed and try and ground me, but I never listened. I would leave through the window and go to the park and smoke. 

Smoking and listening to music would relax me. It was a very calming thing. Even though I know smoking isn't healthy, I still do it. I would go out and get piercings. My parents were furious. They locked me in my room for that, but I had my phone so I didn't care. 

I got into so many fights that my old school expelled me. 

So here I am at Inarazaki, getting the same looks I did at my previous schools, but the rumors were true this time. They weren't fake bullshit that someone came up with, it was the truth. I was happy that it was the truth, I didn't care that it was bad that the rumors were true, I was just happy it wasn't false shit.

I walk around the school, I don't look directly at anyone, but they always think I do. The girls give me the same looks, and say the same shit to each other. They always have their horny girl talk about how they would love to see me in bed, but they only say this because of my looks. But this time around I don't care. They can say all they want. 

My heart is ice cold and is as hard as stone so no one can hurt me with their judgy eyes and their trash talk. I don't care anymore. I went numb to all emotion a long time ago. I haven't felt sad, mad, truly happy, etc for a long ass time. Why would that change now? 

Everyone in this world sucks and their all selfish assholes that you can't trust. They do things for their own benefit or out of pity. I know this because i've been a victim of this for years. You get used to it after a while, but you also learn when people are genuine. 

I learned body language over years of watching people. I learned to read when they were uncomfortable or when they were lying. I can no longer be fooled by them anymore. 

So the point is :  humans are disgusting creatures who learn nothing. They make the same decisions and make the same stupid mistakes. But I'm part of this species, and I'm not proud of it. You can never find someone who is genuine and will love you for who you are and not just you looks. 

I thought I did, but it was all a lie. I trusted them despite what my gut was telling me. My mistake, a mistake I will never make again. Why you ask? Because I learn from my mistakes.

I will never fall in love and trust someone again.

....or so I thought...

HEY GUYS!!! So this chapter was WAYY longer than the rest! I did it guys a long chapter for once. Tell me your guys' thoughts on it please! I hope you guys enjoyed it

I will be making a playlist on spotify for this book so stay tuned for that guys! 

I hope you guys are doing well!

I love you guys !!

- Keariah <33

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