Harry hadn't come home that night. I didn't know if I was happy or sad about it. I didn't care how sick this would sound, but I actually missed him. A bit.
But the next morning when I was drinking my tea he came back. Drunk. With a girl. Snogging her to death. And let me say that it hurt, pretty damn much too.
"Ey! Twit! What are you doing here?" Harry slurred. I sighed and rolled my eyes.
"I live here too Harry."
"Well, okay." he said and then he and the blond chick disappeared up to his room. Weird. He never let me go that quickly. Maybe it's because he's drunk. But even if he left me I could still hear what he and she was doing on his bed. I poured out my tea, not wanting it anymore.
***
It wasn't until after lunch Harry and his girl toy came down. He glared at me before he showed her out. He came into the living room where I already was.
"WHY THE HELL DID YOU LET ME SLEEP WITH HER!?" he screamed at me to my surprise.
"Uhm...what?" I asked, didn't he want to sleep with her? Why was it my fault that he did?
"YOU HEARD ME!"
"Well, I thought it wasn't in my business. You can sleep with whoever you want to." I said and stood up.
"But, she was a slut!?"
I shrugged and smiled a weak smile before I went towards my room.
He slept with her and he wasn't happy with it. Why did he do it in the first place? Sure he was drunk, but still?
The worst part of it was my jealously. Not that I wanted to sleep with Harry, not like that, I just wanted him close. I wanted my old Harry back. My friend. I wanted the cheeky, happy, funny, flirty and amazing Harry back.
But it was my fault he was gone. If I wasn't this awful he would be with me as a friend. If I was good enough he wouldn't need to be like this. If I could sing the band would be better and more successful. If I wasn't gay we would have a lot of more fans. If I wasn't a part of One Direction it would be better. If I died it would be better. For everyone. For my mum, dad, stepdad, sisters, band members, the rest of the world and it would be better for Harry. Because if I was dead he wouldn't need to lay time on a worthless person just to make sure it knew what it was. He could instead spend time with people he like and care about.
I would do every one a favor if I killed myself.
But not now. Not yet. I needed to be sure of some things and finish some stuff. But I would not stay for long.
Soon I would be gone and no one would miss me.
