"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear Louis, happy birthday to you." was what I woke up to and I tried to hide a groan. I was so tired, I hadn't slept good at all and not long either. I sat up in my old bed and smiled at my family.
"Thank you." I said in my ugly morning voice that my old girlfriends thought was sexy. I didn't understand how they could ever think that, it was just ugly.
"Open the presents Louis!" Daisy screamed and her twin Phoebe made a noise in aprovement. My mum nodded and hugged Mark -my stepdad- while Lottie and Fizzy gave me the presents.
I nodded and took the biggest one. It wasn't so big but it was bigger than the other. I opened it and smiled, a new pair of suspenders in dark green color.
"We thought you didn't have that color." my mum said and smiled.
"It's perfect, thank you." I said and cleared my throat to get rid of my morning voice. Why was the ringing noise so loud now? I wasn't sad or so now it should be faint.
"Open the other!" Phoebe squealed and the ringing grew. Could she be any louder? I nodded and smiled while I opened it. Oh good, now I have a headache too.
It was a little box. I raised an eyebrow at mum and she gave me a 'carry on' look and I opened the box. In the box it was four bracelets. One was made in silver and had an 'L' on it and the others was in some black material. It was quite nice.
"Thank you." I said and smiled at them.
"What are you waiting for, put them on!" Lottie screamed and the ringing got louder again. I smiled and put them on. My mum's eyes burned my wrist and then a bit too late I realized that I had exposed some of my cuts. I took my arm down and my mum spoke up.
"Let's leave Louis so he can get changed and then I'll talk to him." she gave me an strict glare before they left.
I sighed. This day couldn't get worse. And just as I thought so the howl changed to a more high-pitched and annoying tune. My head hurt and I was still tired after three hours of restless sleep. This really sucked.
I put on some clean clothes and just as I had made sure my hair was okay there was a knock on my bedroom door. I shouted a 'Come in' and my mum closed the door after her. She sat down on my bed and motioned for me to do the same.
"Explain Louis." was the only thing she said and I sighed.
"Explain what?" I said just to make sure she saw what I thought she had.
"Explain why you have cuts all over your wrist, why you don't eat much, why you seem so under water and why you act like you do." she said and I closed my eyes.
"It's complicated." was the only answer I could get out and she sighed deeply.
"Life is complicated, but I am your mum and you can trust me. Tell me Louis, what is wrong?" she said and gave me a worried look.
"Let’s just say that I've had a hard time and I haven't known how to handle it." I answered and my mum gave me a look that said 'Tell me'. I bit my lip. Should I tell her? I mean she is my mum... "I don't know where to start."
"Start with why you have cuts on your wrist."
"Well...um... It helps?" god, that sounded pathetic.
"Why did you do it?" my mum asked and looked at my wrist that now had a shirt over it.
I couldn't tell her about Harry. It was between him and I.
"I...I haven't been like.. happy...and I've felt...eh..hurt and it's easier to handle the um...pain in the arm than...than the..." I didn't know how to continue so I just shook my head and sighed. It was so hard to concentrate when you had a bloody howl in your head! I couldn't even hear my own thoughts. God this was annoying.
"...Pain in your heart and soul." my mum ended for me and I nodded. "Okay, why do you feel hurt?"
"I-I I can't tell you… I’m sorry but I just can't." I said and she gave me a sad look.
"You can tell me anything, but I respect your privacy. I want to help you Louis so tell me whatever you want that is bothering you. 'Cause right now you look really pained." she was probably right because the ringing filled my head and I couldn't focus on anything. Maybe I could tell her about that!
"It's just that ever since an interview a while ago I've had really hard to concentrate and I've almost always a headache because of the constant ringing in my head." I said and my mum looked concerned.
"You have a ringing in your head since the interview...was it an interview with fans and hundreds of screaming teenagers?"
"Eh, yes? They were really loud...like louder than usually" why did she wonder?
"You don't think you have tinnitus?" she asked and I felt so stupid right then. Of course it was tinnitus! Why hadn't I thought of that earlier? Oh god, I'm really dumb.
"I haven't thought of that. Ugh I'm so stupid! Really, it's simple." I said frustrated with my stupidness. The ringing grew and I massaged my temples. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!
"You're not stupid you've just had a lot on your mind. But you should go to a doctor. They can help you to ignore it and learn you to live with it...they can also give you a psychologist that can help you with your other problems. You know that the tinnitus gets worse if you're depressed." my mum said in a soft voice almost as she was scared to break me. I could feel tears burn in my eyes. This was all so stupid.
"I don't have time with that...in less than two months we will be touring the world around and what would the fans and the boys think if they found out that I am depressed. I don't have time." I said and shook my head. It would never work.
"I think that your health is more important than your work." she just didn't understand.
"It has already sold out. Think of how many people that would get disappointed and the boys would not want to stay home either just because I'm a bit under water. It doesn't work like that." I gave my mum a sad smile and when I saw that she had tears in her eyes my heart broke even more. I sobbed before the tears came and my mum hugged me tight.
"My little boy..." she whispered and I could feel that she cried too.
This was the worst birthday ever.
