Worthless - Larry Stylinson fanfic

Chapter 5

I had fallen asleep without even noticing, but I woke up with a lightheaded feeling and a bad headache in what I presume was early morning. Memories from the morning flooded in my head when I noticed that I was still sitting on the stairs and some blood laid on the steps where I had hit my head. I moved a hand to my forehead and winced when I touched the cut.

After I had taken a deep breath, I stood up and started climbing the stairs. I slowly made my way up to the bathroom after a lot of 'almost tripping'. 

I locked the bathroom door behind me and grabbed a packet with painkillers and swallowed three of them with some water. I turned on the water in the sink and watched my reflection in the mirror. I was paler than a corpse and had blood on my face. I took the water in my hands and splashed my face. Winces and whimpers fell from my lips as I cleaned the cut.Why did I say against Harry? Why couldn't I just have made up a lie or something instead of telling him to fuck off? He'll hate me even more now, if that's possible.

I finished cleaning my face and went to my room and pulled on some sweatpants and a big t-shirt. The headache was starting to fade away but the dizziness was still there so I laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling.

Harry was probably right about everything, like why would he lie? What would he gain by that? He was the most honest person I knew and always when he lied he would shutter and bit his lip like an idiot. A very cute idiot with amazing curls that left me breathless every time. And those big green eyes that always showed his emotions. But I haven't seen more than hate in them the last months. But even then they're beautiful. He was beautiful.

And I was ugly, worthless, stupid, gay, and a freak. Of course he would hate me, there was nothing about me that was possible to love. I'm the worst person alive, I'm a fucking twit. Even I hated myself! Everyone hated me! I'm a disappointing to the world! My mum has to be ashamed. My sisters too and the rest of my family. Why couldn't I be good enough? Why couldn't I be someone else. Someone with a better life. Someone who was loved. Someone who was honest with his feelings. Someone who could stand for who he was. Someone who was funny, carefree and just amazing!? Why did just I need to be me? Why did I need to be in love with my bestie? Why did I need to be gay? Why did I need to have to stand with the fact that the one I loved hated me? Why did I need to be so awful? 

Life isn't fair I guess.