(I Saw Him) Through The Window

Chapter 5: you're okay...?

A/N: Trigger warning (maybe, i don't know, I know that this made me triggered just writing soo...) for bullying and anxiety/anxiety attack (I'm not saying everyone feels like this when they have an attack, but this is just how I feel soooo...

Blaine slowly sipped his coffee, as he watched Kurt twiddling his thumbs against his coffee. He placed his hand on Kurt's and Kurt looked up at him.

"Why didn't you answer my texts yesterday? I sent you like a dozen...", Blaine mentioned. Kurt tapped his fingers on the side of his cup again.

"Yeah, I-I'm sorry about that..", he replied. "I was having sort of an off-day."

"An off-day?", Blaine asked, raising an eyebrow. Kurt nodded.

"My anxiety was really bad yesterday, couldn't calm myself down. It was weird because I haven't had an attack like that in years", he replied. "I turned my phone off because those little noises were scaring me." Blaine sighed, intertwining his and Kurt's fingers.

"That's partly my fault, babe, and I feel horrible", he said. Kurt shook his head.

"It's definitely not your fault, Blaine", he said. "Rachel and Brody went back to Lima so that her dads could meet him. She was texting me nonstop, and that was before you even sent me a 'good morning' text."

"But you're okay now though?", Blaine asked. Kurt nodded, squeezing Blaine's hand.

"I feel much better today, I assure you, don't worry", he responded. Blaine sighed.

"Then would it be ok if we went back to your place since you have the apartment to yourself?", he asked, biting his lip.

"Of course", Kurt said, trying his best to smile.

--

Blaine's lips never left Kurt's as they made out on the couch. Kurt was trying his best to focus, but his mind wandered to different things.

"Are you ok?", Blaine asked. Kurt nodded slowly. "Are you sure? Because you're heart's racing..and your hands are shaking.."

"I-I guess I'm just s-so turned on right now..", Kurt replied. Blaine sighed and sat next to Kurt. "I'm fine!"

"You're not fine, what's wrong? Was I going too fast?", Blaine asked him, reaching to grab his hand, but Kurt pulled his away.

"Stop...I need a minute", Kurt said, tears filling his eyes. "I-I need a minute.."

"Do you want me to go?", Blaine asked softly. Kurt shook his head vigorously.

"I h-hate that this is happening now...", he said, curling up into a little ball on the couch. Blaine didn't really know what to do, so he just sort of sat there for a few minutes.

"Baby?", Blaine asked, setting his hand on Kurt's leg. Kurt squirmed until Blaine moved his hand. Blaine sighed again and started to get up.

"...please! Don't go! I'm f-fine!", Kurt sobbed, biting his forearm. "I-I'm sorry..." He stayed like that for a few minutes, heart racing, his hands shaking, and tears rolling down his cheeks.

All of a sudden his breathing started to slow down and he sat up, wiping his eyes.

"You good?", Blaine asked, moving closer to Kurt.

"Y-yes, but don't move any closer, please", Kurt muttered. Blaine nodded.

"Can I make you some tea?", he asked. "Maybe with honey and lemon? I know that always helps me.." Kurt looked up at him.

"You would do that for me?", he asked. Blaine started to put his hand on top of Kurt's, but he caught himself.

"Why wouldn't I do that for you, Kurt?", he replied. Kurt shrugged.

"M-maybe because I just spent 10 minutes curled up in a ball, balling my eyes out.." Blaine went over to the kitchen area and started searching through the cabinets.

"Do you guys have a..tea kettle?", he asked.

"In the-the bottom cabinet...right next to the...uh..oven", Kurt replied, lying back against the couch. Blaine got out the tea kettle, added the water, and waited for it to heat up. "It-It wasn't your fault at all, Blaine...you know that, right?" Blaine didn't respond right away. "B-Blaine.."

"...who's fault was it then?", Blaine finally muttered. Kurt frowned. The apartment went silent until the tea kettle whistled. "Mugs?"

"...top cabinet, a-above the stove", Kurt replied. Blaine got a mug out and poured the tea into it. He then went over and set the mug down on the coffee table in front of him.

"Will you tell me what's wrong? Tell me what caused that...anxiety attack?", Blaine asked softly. "Can I...touch you now." Kurt thought about it for a moment, then he nodded slowly. Blaine sat down next to him and set a hand on his shoulder.

"I-I don't know what caused me to freak out like that", Kurt whispered. "It might've been because I wasn't over what happened yesterday...but when you were kissing me, I remembered something...I lied to you, when you first kissed me, I told you I had never been kissed before..."

"W-what are you talking about? You lied?", Blaine asked. Kurt nodded.

"In...high school, there was this Neanderthal who made it his sole mission in life to make my life a living hell. He did the usual, shoving me into lockers, a couple of slushies to the face...but there was this one-time he-he crossed a line...he k-kissed me. He did it after I finally stood up to him. I followed him into the boys' locker room, and tried to tell him off...he kissed me! He stole my first kiss from me!" Blaine set his hands on Kurt's and tried to soothe him.

"Shh..it's ok", he whispered. "Hey, look at me." Kurt sighed and looked into Blaine's hazel eyes. "It's ok, Kurt."

"I guess I sort of was remembering that day when you were kissing me and it brought back all these...memories..these-these feelings that I've pushed to the side.." Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand. "But, if I'm being honest, I did love your lips on mine." Blaine smirked.

"I'm really glad you told me, Kurt", he replied. "About your past, not about me kissing you." Kurt let out a tiny giggle. "Aha, there's the laugh I wanted to hear." Kurt blushed.

"I just told you something about my past, are you going to tell me something about yours?"

"Maybe, we'll see", Blaine replied. "..drink your tea before it gets cold." Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Yes, dad", he said, picking the mug up and taking a skip. "Wait! I realized how that might've sounded...I am sorry." Blaine laughed and kissed Kurt's cheek.

"Oh please, it was adorable", he whispered. Kurt blushed again.

"Can we make out again?", he asked, straddling Blaine's lap. Blaine smiled and kissed him.

"Anything you want, my dear", he said. Kurt smiled and blushed, kissing Blaine. "Anything...you...want."