80 Pills

Chapter 1

Trigger Warning: suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, self harming, hospitalized, mental hospital

Ahh what a great morning. Zoom calls all day and piano at the end of the day. Note the sarcasm. School just makes my anxiety go up and piano is just kind of annoying by now.

I sighed before making my way out of my comforting bed and opening my computer to get to my first class. Yes, I have zoom calls because of covid unfortunately. But, I do get to sleep in just before the class starts instead of getting up an hour before, which is nice.

Only thing about school is it makes me so much suicidal and my anxiety goes way up. Nearly everyday when schools were in person, I would have a mental breakdown in the bathroom because the school counselor doesn't help even a little bit.

After half way through, I started seeing really suicidal and wanted to hurt myself. My mom was stupid enough to let me keep my entire bin of 90 pills in my room.

I got up after my 6th class of the day and wandered of to the drawer. I opened it and carefully grabbed the pills. I read the top that instructed to push down and turn the top to open. Why do these pill containers have to be so complicated? It took me 10 damn minutes to open the thing.

After I got it open I set the top down and quickly made my way out of my room. I looked left and right to make sure noone was in the hallways. After seeing that the hallways were quiet, I made my way to the kitchen. There I grabbed vanilla pudding, my favorite thing in the whole world.

I scurried back to my bedroom and silently closed the door. I opened the pudding and poured all 90 of the pills into it and mixed it up. As I was mixing the pudding with the pills, pills were overflowing all over my dresser.

I quickly ate the entire thing of pudding mixed with as many pills as I could possibly fit which was probably around 80.

Later that night, I woke up shaking constantly. I screamed, scared for my life and that was when my mother ran in my bedroom.

"What's wrong honey?" Worry was written on her face. "I- I took 80 pills." I told her and adverted my eyes towards the ground. "I- I'm sorry." I told her as I kept shaking. "Let's get you to the hospital." My mother called 911 and soon enough, peramedics arrived within 5 minutes.

The peramedics loaded me into the ambulance layed down with three seat belt straps across my chest. I stared at a clock on one of the doors for the entire trip. It was 1 am and took the ambulance an hour to get to the hospital.

Once we arrived, the peramedics wheeled me into the hospital. I glanced over at a boy with his hood up and wore a mask and walked with his hands in his pockets. He looked at me and widened his eyes before turning away and walking fast past me. I thought it was weird, did I know this kid? I wasn't sure why he was here because he wasn't dressed in scrubs.

The peramedics wheeled me to a room and helped me up. I walked while shaking rapidly to a scale so they could weigh me, before I walked into the room and layed down on the hospital bed. I let out a sigh as I waited for my mother to come into the room.

One of the nurses handed me scrubs and told me to change into them. I also handed over my jewelry and was left with my socks and scrubs.

I watched a movie on the tv as the nurses drew my blood and gave me fluids so I wouldn't die. I wish I did, but it's for the best so my mother is happy I'm still alive.

Once my mother arrived she threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly. "Please never to that to me again." I sighed and secretly rolled my eyes. She's always making herself the victim in every situation. The least she can say is I'm happy you told me, or I'm happy that you are alive instead of 'dont do that to me again.'

I glanced outside the door and saw the same guy as earlier. He was talking to a nurse who was trying to convince him to put on scrubs. Eventually he gave up and walked to a room to probably put on the scrubs. He came back and I got a good look at him.

He was HOT. Lucious brown locks that fell perfectly on his head with his bangs perfect. His muscular arms with scars on them, most likely from self harm, but the scrubs showed his muscles that were more noticable then his scars.

The nurse noticed I was lost in his beauty from a side view of him and pointed towards me to the guy. The guy looked at me and that's when we both widened our eyes.

I quickly shut the door and slid down against it. I proceeded to hide and hope that noone would come up to me. I heard a knock at the door and shakily opened it.

"Ms? Are you okay?" A nurse asked. "Yes I'm fine I just got scared." I chuckled and walked back to the hospital bed. I smiled at her to indicate everything was fine even though it wasn't so she would leave.

After she left I stared at the wall in disbelief. Did I really just see the right guy? I rubbed my eyes, no it couldn't be him. I'm just having a nightmare.

"You know that boy?" My mother asked as her eyes were glued to her phone. "Schoolmate." Is all I told her and faced my back towards her. I let out a sigh and just closed my eyes. Hopefully if I fall asleep, it will erase all of this from being in my mind.

The next morning I woke up and it was all still there in my mind. His muscles and his hair, everything has changed since elementary school. Well, he grew up of course he changed. But, within 4 years? Damn, he was so hot. But, I can't let it get the best of me. Let's just hope I never see him again.